Judge, 1904-12-10 · page 6 of 20
Judge — December 10, 1904 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several satirical pieces: **"Wrestling Victory from Defeat"** mocks Russian military incompetence during what appears to be the Russo-Japanese War (early 1900s). The joke: a Russian commander, after being "repulsed at every point," cynically orders dispatches announcing a "victorious retreat"—satirizing military spin and propaganda. **"The Ins and Outs"** is a workplace humor piece about a naive new office boy who, ordered to learn the building's layout, gets literally stuck in revolving doors, misunderstanding "ins and outs" as physical spaces rather than procedural knowledge. **"A Plea"** is verse mocking novelists whose works get adapted for theater, with the author pleading: don't write dramatizable books, preserve your work's literary purity. **"Electioneering in Limping Dog"** shows armed men agreeing to truce during elections—satirizing how political campaigns briefly interrupt violence or conflict, suggesting cynical opportunism. The German-dialect opening joke and Russian military satire reflect early 20th-century American attitudes toward immigrants and foreign powers.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
PREVIOUS TO THE RIOT. “ Mein vife ish crazy ofer der baths here."" “Ach, yes! Von ish apt to abbreciate more dan common a thing vot dey hafin't peen aggustomed to ad home.” WRESTING VICTORY FROM DEFEAT. HE orderly dashed up on a foaming steed, dismounted, and saluted. “ Have our forces been repulsed at every point?” asked the Russian commander-in-chief. “Yes, sir,” replied the orderly. . “We'll have to finish this game at some place in the rear,” said the commander to those sitting in with him. Then, to the orderly, “Very good. You may have dispatches sent out an- nouncing a victorious retreat.” “~ A ‘POSSUM DE POSSUM 's nice an ripe ‘Tw An’ juicy through an’ ee through, 8 An’ I kin hear him pipe His music in de stew. He beats de woodcock out Ob sight as sweet he sings, An’ dat is why I shout As if up dar on wings. De steamin‘ob dat stew fills me wid rom An‘ makes me be Like fury Unto its music, dat Jes’ makes me shou De “possum makes me fa Aw’ happy all de day PAEAN, THE INS AND OUTS. 66 NOW, James,” said the business man to the new office-boy, “I want you, the first thing you do, to ge! t acquainted with the ins and outs of this building, for I will want you to run a great many errands from office to office.” James bowed politely and left the r his employer sent another boy in searc alone. ‘com, to be gone all morning. At last hoof him, The other boy came back “Did you find James ?” asked the man, «Yes, sir. whirling doors. Says you ordered him there’s no end of them.” He's down stairs, walking around and around in one of the to get onto all the ins and outs, and A PLEA. REAT novelist within thy den, I prithce heed my simple plea. T love what floweth from thy pen— Gadzooks! it really pleaseth me, But if thou still wouldst be my friend, And soar, exultant, to the skies, Oh, let thy next book, to the end, Be one they cannot dramatize. Thy works I love when in the night Icon thy pleasant pages through. Thou makest me to laugh outright, And oft thou makest me boo-hoo! Exceeding delicate thy wit, To heights of pathos thou dost rise ; But let thy next book exquisite Re one tl cy cannot dramatize. I weep when reading of the woe Thy hero suffers on each page ; Yet all the while I dread to know Some day he'll strut upon the stage And knock my sweet illusions down Before my sad and tearful Let thy next book, man of renown, Be one they cannot dramatize. CHAKLES MANSON TOWNE, ELECTIONEERING IN LIMPING DOG. Man with THE Douste pRop—" One minute, gentlemen! As my name appears on the ballot this year, you put away your weepons until after election."* and I happen to know your politics, 1 suggest that comicbooks.com