Judge — November 19, 1904 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

LOCAL NEWS. [From the Rome (Italy) Tribune.) NEWS is as scarce as hens’ teeth this week, As we go to press war is still rag- ing in Carthage. Work on the Appian way is progressing finely. Tiberius Gracchus, who was on the ailing list last week, is some better at this writing. J. Casar, of this berg, has a new toga. It's a beaut, Jule. Several cits from here attended Cicero's stereopticon lecture last night. Cic. is a swell talker, and a lovely time is reported as having been had by all present. Cassius is on the sick-list. For instruction on the violin consult Nero. Above the post-office.—Adv. Cato is taking Greek lessons and making progress. Some fiend in human form entered the house of Cornelia, Tuesday, and abstracted many of her valuable jewels. The demon is still at large, but the constable has his eye on him, he thinks. Our generally quiet city is seldom thus disturbed, and we hope this is an end of crime. Fine skating on the Tiber these nights. Lydia was out riding Sun- day. Ah, there, Horace ! The high-school eleven was beaten Saturday by Athens by a score of eighty-six to forty. Tough luck, boys. Augustus Cxsar was a pleasant caller at this office yesterday, and left us three sestertia to pay for a year's subscription to the 7ridune. again, Gus. re “| hear he is a confirmed bibliophile."* “ How awfull Come FRANKLIN P. ADAS. case of the intellectual evangelist who stayed dur- always fancied he was a teetotaler.”* goes up stairs from the club in his stocking feet.” Douglas—« That's because his wife scares him out of his boots.” LOOKING AHEAD, a great thing to look ahead. There was the in’ the protracted meetin’ with my brother Reuben. Jest before church-time Reub says to him, says he, “I'll go down to church with you, I'm goin’to git religion before this evenin's meetin’ 's over. But T'll have to hurry home a leetle early, so’s to fix the furnace-fire ‘fore it goes out.” “Better fix it ‘fore you go,” says the evangelist. “If I monkey with that fire before I go to church,” says Reuben, “I'l not be able to git religion at the meetin’. I'll be so mad all evenin’ that promises of heaven won't charm me nor thoughts of hell-fire scare me.” “All right,” says the evangelist; “fix it jest the same. If you fix it before meetin’ you won't be con- verted; but if you fix it afterwards you'd backslide if you was. Back- slidin’ 's worse than nothin’. I wouldn’t try to git converted if I was you until after cold weather had passed on an’ the furnace-fire was off your mind. Git religion in the spring; then you'll have a peaceful summer to become strong in the service of the Lord before winter an’ the furnace come ag'in.” That evangelist lost the credit of convertin’ Reub, He caught religion from another exhorter in the early spring. But with all summer to work up self restraint he got in sech fine moral shape that, when winter come ag’in, he could tend that fire with no worse language than “ Blim drat!" an’ “T'll be swozzled !” Dudley — Lusher always C lig Rite pare. | i=in er Gay } ss Hs <n ta a if | aT) “BIRDIE, | AM TIRED NOW." Girt (with baby)—'* | wish | had a couple uv birds’ wings on me hat." Bor—"' Wot kind uv birds’ wings ?"" Gir.—"* De wings uv de stork wot brought dis baby."” comicbooks:com