Judge, 1904-11-12 · page 10 of 16
Judge — November 12, 1904 — page 10: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple humorous sketches and poems satirizing American life circa early 1900s: **"Compensation"** mocks the commuter's daily misery—trudging through mud, experiencing quinine-induced hallucinations, dealing with expensive food prices—yet finding solace only in suburban routine and beef stew aromas. The satire targets the dreary, unglamorous reality of supposedly idyllic suburban life. **"Disappointed"** jokes about a woman marrying a man to reform him; he becomes a "model husband" but loses his colorful flaws, leaving her disappointed and gossip-starved. **"His Definitions"** features a boy redefining Sunday-school concepts—faith as believing what you've "got every reason to suppose ain't so" and duty as "any old thing you have got to do when you want to play baseball." This mocks religious instruction's disconnect from childhood logic. **"Slang"** depicts an educated professor condescending about crude sailor language, only to be physically threatened into silence—the satire favoring working-class pragmatism over intellectual pretension. Additional brief sketches mock marital incompetence, impromptu speeches, and bureaucratic encounters.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
COMPENSATION. (By a commuter.) ) HE sun's last rays the mountain-top have kissed As homeward-bound I wander thro’ the mud, And when my fuot, with melancholy thud, Sinks deep I pull it out with painful twist. ‘The mocking-bird— that sweet anthologist— Pours not for me this eve his cheerful flood. Of quinine there 's sufficient in my bloud— For I see stars when skies are amethyst. ‘The gobbler’s high, Elizabethan ruff Now stiffens at the dog of low degree. Ah, my suburban cot pops into view ! This life of mine, mayhap, is pretty tough. What boots it, for the breezes bring to me The languorous aroma of heef-ste DISAPPOINTED. ES, she married him to reform hin “Same old story, eh? I suppose her people feel just awful about it 2” A DEAL IN FUTURES. “Oh, yes, they do. You see, he straightened up Evanoe.ist—"" My dear sir, put no trust in your golden treasures of and became a model husband and citizen, and hasn't done a single thing _ '!S world. but rather In your golden harp in the next. e a Getpstein—"‘ Now, my friend, dere’s a chance for business; I give they can gossip about, you for collateral dot harp for tventy dollars.” HIS DEFINITIONS. THERE was a small boy went to Sunday-school. When he went home his mother asked him what the lesson wasabout. “ Faith,” says the boy. “W that?" his mother as “ Believin’ what you've g Ws ys every reason to suppose eT TM Yi ain't so,” the boy replies. Seyi _ abe “And then,” he afterward q : remarks, “there was some talk about duty, too.” “ What's duty ?” his mother asked him. “Oh, duty,” he * replied, “is any old thing ical Aoi that you have got to do when you want to play baseball.” fed si IMPROMPTU. [MPRomPru speeches all defy TROUBLE IN STORE. Attempts to analyze them, Huesy—'* Didn't I telegraph you not to bring your mother with you?” And make a fellow wonder why Wirey- ‘1 could not help it, Frank: she insisted on coming—after she'd read your telegram.” He cannot improvise them. SLANG. 46 QLANG,” said the col- lege professor, who was sailin’ with me for his health, is utterly without meanin’ to the educated person.” “ Hey, there, you four-eyed wisdom fede! yelled the sailor who had heen watchin’ current hap- penin’s instead of listenin’ to the man of knowledge, “git a move on and play belly-whack real sudden, or that shiftin’ dingle-block ‘li knock yer bloomin’ nut off !" And the professor changed his position quite some prompt, thereby a-savin’ of his skull. HIS ANGEL. Figg (pointing) —" That woman saved my fortune for me once. Trigg—" How? 7 Orricer—'* If you haven't a license you will have to accompany me." Figg—" Jilted me, Grinper—"‘ All right, sir—wnat will you sing?” WITH PLEASURE. comicbooks.com