Judge — October 29, 1904 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

—2 PUBLISHED WEEKLY Ar ru Parken Burpixc. Fountm AVENUE AND Niserexstu Staxer, New Youre. Wastaen Avvnenisinc Orrice—1373 Hartford Building, Chicago, I. unrreD STATES AND Ci Ove copy, one year, of s2 numbers = = : One copys mouths craonumbers = ee One copy, for thirteen weeks FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS—To all foreign counteies, Evnornan satns-acents—/aternational News Company, Bream's building, Chancery Lane, F.C, London: Brentane's, avenue del" Opera, Pi The contents of FUDGE are protected by copyright in both the United States and Great Britain. TERMS TO SUBSCRIDERS: ADA IN ADVANCE. is $3.00 2.50 the Cuntstatas Juoce. the postal union, $6.00 a year. Staréach's News Exchange, Mains, Germany. Infringement of this conyright will be promptly and Pigorously prosecuted. CONTRIBUTORS must inciose a stamped and self-addressed envelove with all manuscriots, otberivise return of the Latter when found unavailable cannot be guaranteed. DRAWINGS and alt contribations sent to the Art Department should have the sender's fall name and address Ywritten plainly on each and every separate sketch. desorict insure safe and promot return of material not accepted. WHEN THE DEMOCRATS snafl have burned their barrels of money, will the barrels themselves be burned to celebrate a Republican victory? eda ‘THE REPUBLICAN DURBAR will be one of the grandest as well as one of the gladdest affairs of the kind that this country has ever seen. It will be a pageant of hilarity of the first water, and Uncle Sam will skip a saraband of joy that will keep all the patriotic hearts-and feet in motion. The elephant, that stands for all that is good and Republican, from pros perity to the full dinner-pail, will rock smilingly to and fro and hymn the praises of gold money and chant the beauties of the attitude of standing pat and of leaving that which is good enough alone. There will not only be a flourish of trumpets, but a banging of drums and a clashing of cym- bals. It will be a cavalcade that will be an Arabian night of gorgeous fes- tivity to all patriotic people who realize that it is all in honor of the election of Roosevelt and Fairbanks. There will be no end of variety'as regards color, noise and enthusiasm all along the line as the Republican durbar moves triumphantly on its joyous way in commemoration of a political vic~ tory that means alike prosperity and good government for four years to come. ‘THE JUDGE'S FAVORITES for 1904 are the favorites who are going to win. It is almost superfluous to mention their names. When they cross the line the other competitors will be so far in the rear that no lynx- eyed observer with a Lick telescope will be able to tell just what has be- come of Underhill Parker, The accompanying Joke or letler-press should in ébery instance be written upon its individual picture, and NOT upon a senarate slip of paper. inciosure of stamps t0 the fall amount of postage ts also required, 10 gold to the core, and not gold on the surface and silver beneath, like Un- derhill Parker, the beauty of whose gold is but skin-deep, notwithstanding all reports and arguments to the contrary. Roosevelt and Fairbanks are out to win, and win they will; and when the race has been run there will be a great weeping, wailing and gnashing of Democratic teeth; and the managers of the hosts of Underhill Parker will lift their voices in lamenta- tion, while they think of the Waterloo of Horace Greeley and B. Gratz Brown, and declare that history has repeated itself. tee T BEGINS to look, and without the aid of spectacles, that the Repub- can locomotive of prosperity has the right of way, and that the Demo- cratic hand-car must either jump the track or be jumped by the semaphore machine which has Roosevelt’s face for a headlight. The hand-car, which is being pumped along by Underhill Parker, is making fairly good time, for the reason that the wind, which he has not seen fit to waste in words on the platform, he has on hand to sustain him in the double-barreled see- saw act which he is now performing on the aforesaid hand-car with Me- thuselah Davis. It is rather a refreshing, not to say an exhilarating, sight to watch this jocund pair bobbing, banging and bumping along the rail, blowing as blow their champions on the stump, while the perspiration pours from their anatomies and their eyes, bulging from their sockets, look more like ping-pong balls than like pickled onions. The Republican ex- press, which has Roosevelt and protection on the locomotive front, is bear- ing down on the Democratic hand-car, which is running wild-cat, is in dire distress, and could not make a more ludicrous effect if frontispieced with the head of old Dr. Hill, or which is Swallow and which is Watson. Such a man, equipped with a telescope, would probably say that the one-hundred- to-one skates in the rear, as compared with Roose velt and Fairbanks in point of speed, appear to be standing still for a much-needed rest. So far as this race is concerned, it is all over but the pa ing of the bets. JUDGE'S favorites for 1904 stand for everything that is good and decent. Both of them have been weighed time and again, and neither of them has ever been found wanting. One comes from the saddle of the war- horse and the other from the floor of the senate. They are all right in the strictest sense of this idio- matic term. They are made of the gold that has the true, old-fashioned, eighteen-karat ring. Nei- ther of them is afraid to say what he thinks and to think what he says, in- asmuch as neither of them is gagged and handled by such a travesty of a man as is old Dr. Hill, or by any other manner of man, for that matter. They are A SWEET HOPE. Bit. Mainsrace—* If Roosevelt wins | gits three pounds uv plum-duff an’ five quarts uv grog, an’ | don't have ter reef a sail nor take a bath fer a year.” Jack Tarn—"'Oh, Bill! save a piece uv dat bet fer me, will yer?” wreathed in smiles and haloed in peanuts. The Republican express is forc- ing the Democratic hand- car along at a rate that rather puzzles the human pumps who are responsible for its locomotion. These worthies do not seem to appreciate the fact that they are good game for the cowcatcher of the pro- tection locomotive, which, according to the betting fraternity, will eventually lift them into the air with a painful suddenness and land them in Salt river, hand-car and all. With ‘so poor an equipment of muscle, and the Republic- an express so close upon their heels and wheels, it is to be trusted that Mr. Davis is at least half the natatorial expert that Un- derhill Parker is known tobe. In their mind’s eyes they see the handwriting ‘on the wall, and they find it anything but pleasant reading. Strictly speak- ing, they are old birds and not squabs; and yet are they ripe for the toast of doom which awaits them, and to which they will be, relegated in a brief hand- ful of flitting days.