Judge, 1904-10-22 · page 13 of 16
Judge — October 22, 1904 — page 13: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This satirical poem mocks the Russo-Japanese War (1904-1905), specifically referencing a news dispatch about Russian forces rolling beancakes down slopes at Port Arthur to repel Japanese attackers. The joke targets Boston's reputation as the center of American baked bean culture—a regional stereotype. The poem suggests that if Boston's famous cooking schools or homemade biscuits were available instead of beans, the Russians could solve their military problem more effectively. The satire works on multiple levels: it ridicules both the desperate, absurd Russian military tactics and New England's famous food identity. The final stanza warns of "fields incarnadine" (blood-red fields) and Boston's "greeting"—darkly suggesting that bean-related pride has become something more ominous. The poem's title, quoting Shakespeare, emphasizes how small military victories matter little against larger, unfinished wars—the "petty done, the undone vast."
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Many persons prefer to take chances rather than go to the ouble that most rules of health en- in. Here is a rule costing no extra rouble whatever, yet sure to produce ratifying results: WEAR JAEGER UNDERWEAR. \ortvaled baa promoter and preserver of bealth. RECOMMENDED BY LEADING PUYBICLAAS RVKRYWHERI Booklets and Samples Free. Dr doeger’s 8. W. 8. Co.’S Own Slores 306 Fin Ave. : Brooklya: $04 Putten St. Boston: 20-252 Boylston St. Agents in alt Principal Gitier A very loquacious lady asked a friend what position he would give her were she aman, «I'd make you superintendent of a deaf- and-dumb asylum,” was his reply. “Why 2" “Because either the inmates would learn to talk or you to keep silent."— New York Times. The sweets of life We want in youth Beyond our reach Remain, in truth, That jam, alas! Stays on the shelt Until you ‘re laid On it yourself, —New York Sun, The Truth Can be told about Great Western Champagne ‘There is nothing to conceal in its produc ion. Itis PureGrape . fermented and ‘aged to exact perlec- tion for healthfulness, , possessing the bour ‘ quet and favor that Connoisseurs desire. OF the six Amert= can Ch PLEASANT VALLEY WINE CO., ‘Sole Makers, Rheims, N.Y. The baseball season closes now, , The players quit the game To sit around explaining how Their hard luck was to blame. —Chicago Record-Herald, Talk about your clever chauffeurs rarked the Brooklyn man.“ You uld see Peckham.” “Why, he hasn't any automobile, has Oh, no; but you should see how he » guide the baby-carriage through ,a vowd."— Philadelphia Ledger. BATTLE OF THE BEANS. ‘The Russians rolled beancakes down the slopes leading to some of the Port Arthur forts, killing numerous Japanese attackers.—News dispatch. Come, bring another case of beans, And roll it down the slope ; The Japs will savvy what it means ‘And break away, we hope. The Japs who “don’t know beans” will now Secure an introduction— We've got to end this bloody row, This interheathen ruction. If Boston knew what plan we had For driving off the foe, Perhaps she'd be most awful mad To have the whole world know She isn’t, when the showdown comes, The place where blessed beans Are made to solve the hardest sums— No, not by any means. If we but had the bread that’s made By cooking-schools, it's certain This little drama’d soon be played ‘And we could draw the curtain. Or if we had the biscuits stanch The new bride makes for hubby, We'd soon digest in Russia's paunch This foeman short and scrubby. Come, bring another case of beans And scoot it down the hill ; The Japs will gather what it means ‘And marvel at our skill. The “army bean” has grown to mean More serious things than eating— Beware of fields incarnadine The fierce Bostonian greeting ! —Baltimore American, “THE PETTY DONE, THE UNDONE VAST." Wire (quoting)—"* * A man's work 's finished with the setting su A woman's work is never done.’ Hussanp (brute)—" Quite right, my dear, I've often remarked the omission."* —Punch, For gentlemen who appreciate strength body who knows a good thing. neds for the carefal physician who req Sold by leading dealers everywhere. BERNHEIM DISTILLING CO., Lou! Alle, Ky. Ny) i) DIAMONDS CREDIT ij ts such that It would pay anyone te make Christmas selections now. 4 The Loftis’ System fe the ene successful system. WHY? Because it 1s Quick, Easy and Confidential. tall thelr own story and well tuemeeives. all snk tthe priviogy Of watrttting cocrs tots Gitefimianteta qualitieyworkmansh/pand prices, About Paying for Your Selection. Ie what wo vend meets your entire approval gaertfthvon delivery aod wrticlevscnde ‘An Invitation. tiet the St. Loula Expoaitin Eerweetand nncstatipiay o¢dlamons Hlonetevermasein America, oa orery proces fog, catting and potbhieg. from the rough Gia: goons In the biveearthy af taken from tbe ties cH tana conta oe matory “contains w compte ‘of the Diasnoed from mine to wearer. of LOFTIS BROS. &CO. (iis) Diamood Catters and Mats. Jewelers Depts 140,08 10 08 State Bt., CHICAGO, ILE ‘Cpr 194, Prana Ateraiag Age, Cag HE PIONEER OF ILLUSTRATED JOUR NALISM—and to-day the exponent of illustrated newspaperdom in America. MOST ADVANCED MOST PROGRESSIVE AND UP-TO-DATE All the more important events of the world are promptly depicted ta tts pages. Accurate War News from the far East frem our own Correspondent, PEOPLE TALKED ABOUT JASPER’S HINTS TO MONEY-MAKERS BOOKS AND AUTHORS AMATEUR PRIZE PHOTO CONTEST books.com