Judge — October 8, 1904 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE CANDIED DATE. andied date, as all may Is found quite often up a tre ‘The tree's a palm, you understand, Because he always gives the | ‘The candy that they use to stuff him Is tafly (when they do not cuff him). ast how And yet, ry quick ‘Il All this sweetness turn to pickle! How soon, when clerks the figures d date is out of date! AN OLD SALT’S OBSERVA- TIONS. IN'T it funny how often, when a horse is bought, a man is sold? ive an’ learn,” a feller said. I know a man who tried it, but jest about th’ time he'd learned he died. I've seen folks so thick-skinned that if their heauty had been skin deep it would, I reckon, have gone plumb through, * Love flies out of th’ window when poverty comes in at th’ door.” An’ frequently, if it's a rdin’-house window, it takes its trunks along with it. AN IRONICAL REPLY. Razorwack—" What's kept you penned up of late? Was it ‘ pinkeye,’ as was reported ?”" Hocter—"'No; just a plain sty. I don't know which worries me most when I come to make a hargain —fearin’ that. th’ other chap ll get th’ best of me, or fear- in’ that I won't be cute enough to get th’ best of him, are th’ rod an’ spoil th” child “is all right, If T hadn't had an awful lickin’ I'd never run away to sea. I might have stayed on land an’ been an aluerman or preacher, or maybe even editor of a comic paper. Ifa man’s got silk linin’ in his overcoat it's astonishin’ what cold weather it will take to make him button it up tight when walk- in’ on th’ street. But real lace on a petticoat will make a woman hold her dress-skirt up real care- ful when it ain't much of any muddy. “That doctor saved my life,” says a man tome. “ How did he do it?” asks. “ Well, I went to one doctor when I was sick an’ he made me worse; then I went to Vig? eee OM 4, DISAPPOINTMENT. Tue country sor— How d" yer like it out here?" ‘Tue city Ki>—" Aw, dere ain't no trolleys ter dodge, an’ no keep-off-de-grass signs, nor cops ter chase yer, ner nuthin’ !"" another, an’ he made me worse yet. Then 1 called on th’ one whom I just pointed out to you.” “An'he cured you?" I said, deeply interested. No,” says th’ man.“ He wasn't home A minister was elected to th’ legislature. Th first bill he introduced prohibited all men from goin’ to church. There was a howl abcut it in th’ papers until he made his explanation. “I thought maybe,” he remarked, “that it would work like that designed to keep ‘em out of gin mills on th’ sabbath—an’ somethin’ must he done to increase our Sunday congregations.” THEN AND NOW. HER baby ways they used to praise— Ah, that was in the olden When fond admirers came to woo, And she held many suitors, through Her baby ways. To-day she talks to them that call Until from sheer fatigue they fall. No odds what topic they may touch, She always has to tell how much Her baby weighs. BUT THE DEAR OLD SOUL MEANT WELL. Country LaNtapy—'| noticed thet you had ter turn up the bottoms of all your pants because they wuz too long fer you, so | cut ‘em off so’s they'd fit."