Judge — August 27, 1904 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AN OLD SALT’S OB- SERVATIONS. JTF feller that thinks there ain't no use in advertis- in’ is th’ same man that don't believe in sendin’ his little ones to school. There's one class of folks that's great sufferers from th’ present price of beef, but don't git no sympathy from none of us. I mean th’ fellers with th’ black eyes. When you're sizin’ up your fellow-men be sure to take your observations in th’ right latitude, Some men that’s great when measured round th’ waist is less than middlin’ if you measure where they wear their hats. A feller in th’ smokin’- room was kickin’ on th’ quality of th’ ship's cham- pagne. Two days later, aft- er th’ ship was wrecked, he was suckin’ at a han’ker- chief soaked in dew an’ say- in’ that it tasted most re- markable good an’ sweet. I dreamt I went to hell. There was an awful wailin® in th’ northeast corner. “ What you doin’ with that feller 2" I asked of th’ devil. “Oh,” says he, “that’s one of th’ chaps that was always preachin’ when he was up on earth, an’ he's feelin’ mighty bad about th’ pun- ishment I give him.” “What Bitty He rat—"' Ain't dis bully, kid? Lasked. “It is," she says. Th’ reason that I chuckled as I went away was because Iwas so glad I spend most my time at sea. “What makes you go for such a iong cruise on your yacht "a feller asks a millionaire, “To git away from th’ worries of th’ finan- cial world,” he answers. He'd been to sea two days when he rung th’ jingle-bell for full speed an’ told th’ skipper to steer her straight for home, “What's up?” th’ skipper says. “Great Scott!" th’ millionaire re- plies, “they ain't no news- papers out here, an’ ain't seen a ticker since we left our dock.” aowano sansiati. THE CAMPAIGN IS ON, s4]F THERE'S one thing that tires me,” argues the first citizen, “it is pea- nut politics.” “Yes,” agrees the sec- ond citizen, * Peanut poli- tics is almost as bad as chestnut platforms.” ON HER DIGNITY. ¢¢] UNDERSTAND,” said the dignified English matron, “that your father made his money in—in trade.” ENVIOUS. What do you mean ? Tl bet some uv de monkeys wot works up *8ked the American heiress. you doin’ to him?" Tasked in dem sky-scrapers an’ can't git away frum woik is jealous uv us."* “That he amassed his then, “Oh, jest. makin’ of him practice what he preached on earth,” he says. A woman passenger said to me one time,“ Mercy ! I should think you'd git awful tired goin’ to sea. You don't have no society.” Later I was ashore, an’ she asked me to come up to a lawn-party she was givin’. I went, I stayed a while an’ sampled folks. “Is this society ?” wealth by buying and sell- ing com..aodities that the common people needed.” “He did nothing of the sort!" retorted the angry heiress. «I want you to understand that papa did not work a lick for a cent of his. He made it every bit by skinning people with watered stocks, I guess that’s just as easy money as the kind that you inherit, isn’t it?” MAKING MONEY. Touaso—"" Peppo Skinnolin is colning da money nowadays Tosasco—"* Wit de monk an’ de organ, or at home, in his back room, on de quiet?” - comicbooks.com