Judge — August 27, 1904 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Ar rue Paugxn Bortpixc, Fourtn A) Wastes Apvexnisix O FOREIGN SUBS PUBLISHED WEEKLY v1 NINETRENTH StaKET, New Yore. Rwilding, Chicago, Hit Tneluding the Cuxisrstas Junot. CRIPTIONS—To all foreign countries in the plostal union, $5.00 a year. Evrorean sacns-aceorrs—International News Company, Bream's building, Chancery Lane, EC, London: Brentana's, Avenue det” Opera, Paris : Suaréa "4 News Exchange, Ms The contents of FUDGE are protected by copyright in both the United States and Great Britain. Infringement of this conyright will be promptly and vigorously prosecuted. CONTRIBUTORS must inclose a stamped and self-addressed erpelove with all manaso DRAWINGS and all contributions sent to the Art Decartment should have the sender's f otherwise return of the Latter when found unavailaNe cannot be guaranteed. Il name and address written plainly on each and every sevarate sketch. The accompanying joke or descrintive letler-press should in every instance be wrilten upon ils indrvidsal picture, and NOT upon a separate slip of paver, Liciosure of stamps to the full amount of postage is also reauired, 10 insure sale and promot return of matertal not accepted. AFTER A WHILE West Virginia may be known as the mother-in-law of would-be vice-presidents. . . ILL SOME Democratic student of affairs have the kindness to tell us how the country could possibly be blest by free trade when it is cursed by the free entry of pauper labor? eee THE DEMOCRATIC POT will shortly boil, and the observer with the keen, penetrating vision will observe, in the steam that rises from the same, pictures that reek and sizzle with a unique weirdness which will cause him to fancy he has been toying lately with the tender affections of a Welsh rarebit. ewe THE GLASS of political trust is not the best material with which to sup- ply the window-sash of good government for several reasons. One is that it is not a quality of glass through which one may look without hav- ing one’s vision perverted to such an extent that objects seen through it would be anything but that which they might seem to be. Another is that the putty which Underhill Parker would be in the hands of Belmont is not the kind of stuff that would hold it in place against the Republican trust-wind that whistles “* Yankee Doodle” about the chimney-top. Belmont is a fine political glazier, and it is quite likely that in the hands of such an artist Underhill Parker would become putty of the finest grade. He could be worked over and over, and caused to look like anything that might strike the fancy of his capricious manipulator, from an Aristophanes with a Tony or mustache to an Euripides with the sunny smile of dear old Uncle David, who still persists in looking to it that his political grave is kept green and generously supplied with flowers. If Mr. Belmont is anything of a sculptor he has the opportunity of his lifetime in Underhill Putty Parker. It is believed that he will make the most of the aforesaid oppor- tunity, and produce effects that will cause the Democrats to open their eyes in wonder and to remain spellbound until the lightning-change shall take place, There is nothing else that goes to make the combination of such an all-round triumph as does that of a first-class workman and the proper materials with which to operate. WHen THE DEMOCRATS threw away the gold-plank, which amounted to more than all the other planks of their platform com: bined, they aid just about the thing which might have been expected of such a fool organization. For general all-round stupidity they are so far in the van of all other crack-pot combinations that the throwing overboard of the gold-plank seems to have been an act performed solely for the pur- pose of assuring the people that they are still doing business at the old stand and, so far as methods are concerned, in the same old pig-headed style. They now evidently realize, and are thoroughly convinced, that in their attempt to establish a fact with which every one was familiar—name- ly, that of their great capacity for the making of mistakes—they per- formed an act that will give Mr. Roosevelt many votes, and at the same time supply the country with oceans of laughter of the kind that causes the suspender-button to lose its grip and to fly to otherwhere, and puts upon them that have a sense of humor the fat that is health-giving and enduring. The gold-plank upon which they should have based their hopes of success is now in the river of oblivion—or Salt river, if you will—and the tears of the party press-agents, managers and skunk-souled scallywags, combined with those of the Democratic donkey, are something sad to behold. Asa body they are the stuff of which pipe-dreams are made; and perhaps we should be thankful that we have them with us, if only for the endless fund of harmless amusement which they constantly afford. NOT THE USUAL WAY. . “Is Jack Scribbler’s little romance with that millionaire publisher's daughter finished ?”" “Oh, yes. ‘They are marred now, and he’s getting royalties on it.”” comicbooks.com