Judge, 1904-07-30 · page 6 of 16
Judge — July 30, 1904 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three distinct satirical pieces mocking early 1900s American schemes and social types: **"His Ultimatum"** ridicules stock market fraud. A shady "promoter" pitches a food-monopoly scheme to corner Pennsylvania's breakfast market, offering board positions and inflated stock to prominent Wall Street figures. The joke: when asked to guarantee even $500 in actual cash payment, the promoter furiously leaves—exposing the scam's worthlessness. The satire targets speculative finance where promised riches exist only on paper. **"Cullud Crust's Outing"** uses offensive racial dialect to mock Black domestic workers abandoning their jobs, attributed to city glamour and "razzle-dazzle." **"Mutual Sympathy"** is a brief joke: a highwayman robs a man just returned from vacation, who jokes he has no money—establishing comic "mutual sympathy" between criminal and victim both broke. The page satirizes financial corruption, labor instability, and petty crime as fixtures of contemporary urban life.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
“Tam lis- tening,” said the experienced citizen, “Of course, as yet I cannot give you the names of the people who are back of me in this scheme for cornering the world’s food- supply, so as to force every one to eat Pennsyl- vania breakfast shavings; but 1 Tramp Bitt—" Hal a gelatinous-looking layout. I'll just dine a mite.” CULLUD CRUST’S OUTING. I ASTUS DAVIS gone R (Washin’ dis Writes dat he am doin’ de se: Dat coon gib me sudden *Mandy Jackson left her lodgin’ (Bet she gone ter loop dat loop) ; Writes dat she am in de Buckshire— Dat she flew de city coop. "Tildy Didymus left her last place Rudder suddin, "pears ter me; Sends word back ter Hanna Stevens * by de sea. Dem city niggers in’ on dese frills an’ a Dey’s all got de razzle-dazzle— Dat’s why dey ain't whar dey iz. HIS ULTIMATUM. i SOYVHAT is it this morning ?* in- 3. quired the respectable citi- zen of much experience. “The greatest thing ever!" exclaimed the promoter with a glad smile, “I want to let you right in on the ground floor.” Hichway“an—" Shake, old man! KILKENNY REPEATED. Clerk (affably)—" A linen duster? present, but we have some fine feather dusters.” So am I, or | wouldn't be doing this."* 2. Tue twins—"'Oh, joy! This is soft to be able to get a grafter right with the * goods." * if you think of the names of the men most prominent in Wall street you will not be far out. Our company is to be capitalized at fifty million dol- lars, and if you will consent to go on our board of directors and act as first vice-president we will allot you one million five hundred thousand dollars’ worth of the preferred stock.” “That is all right,” said the ex- perienced citizen ; “ but before going into the scheme I insist that at least five hundred dollars of my remuner- ation be paid in cash.” Disgusted at such sordidness and incapacity for imaginative finance, the promoter grabbed his hat and rushed out, slamming the door as he passed out of the office. Mr. Younghub—« My wife sent me here to buy her a linen duster.” We are all out of them at MUTUAL SYMPATHY. Hichwarisan—" Your money or your life!" Jones—" Sorry, old chap; but !’m just back from my vacation, and "’—— comicbooks.com