Judge — July 30, 1904 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

At rue Pangxe Buripinc, Fouxtm AVENUE AND Wastern Apvertisinc Orrice—1373 UNITED STATES AND CANADA IN ADVANCE. Ove copy, one year, or sanumbers se en One copy, su months, of 26 numbers. « One copy, for thirteen weeks FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS—To all fo Fumorman sates-acents—/aternational News Company, Bream's building, Chancery Lane, F.C, London : Brentano's, crenue de t' Opera, F PUBLISHED WEEK INETRENTU STunKr, NEW YORE, ford Building, Chicago, It. TERMS TO SURSCR Tncluding the Cuxestatas J Saardach's News Exchange, Maine, Germany, The contents of FUDGE are protected by conyright in both the United States and Great Britain, Infringement of this copyright will be promptly and bizorously prosecuted. CONTRIBUTORS must inctose a stamped and self-adiressed ertpelove with all manuscrints, othervise return of the Latter when found unavailable cannot be guaranteed. DRAWINGS and all contributions sent to the Art Department should have the sender's full name and address “written plainly on each and every separate sketch. The accompanying Joke or descriotive letler-press should in every instance be written upon its indtvidual picture, and NOT upon a separate slip of paver. Inciosure of stamps to the full amount of postage (s also required, to insure safe and promot return of material not accepted. IF MONEY were to talk only as Parker talks, Bryan would shine as a monumental waste of raw material, eee ARKER is now being compared to and with Clay, and, strange as it may appear to the Democrats, he is receiving the hotter end of the red-hot poker of comparison every time. T HAVING been said to his credit that the Democratic candidate turned the light on, let us trust that, when he sees fit to turn it on again, he will turn it upon his party and its methods. THERE ARE politicians and statesmen extant who would greatly prefer to be right than to be president if there were but more money in it. And there are others who would rather be wrong than to see the nomination slip away from them. THE FELLOW of most excellent fancy who calls the hammock the canoe of the air should lose no time in characterizing the canoe as the coffin of the water. If this latter simile had but the same basis of fun that it has of solid, all-round truth, it would set all the table in a roar for many moons to come. a THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY, in reflecting on the many acts of the great and only Nebraskan, should not fail to find tons and tons of gilt- edged comfort and consolation in the dictum of the Psalmist—“ His mis- chief shall return upon his own head, and his violent dealing shall come down upon his own pate.”” i BY A CURIOUS mismanagement of the shuffle, when cognomens were being distributed, the Democratic vice-presidential nominee received the middle name which rightly and logically should have been attached to W. J. Bryan. And, speaking of the Nebraska bedlam-smith’s connection with the name of Gassaway, we are inclined to fancy that, while he is whooping it up for the Democratic candidate, he should wear a metre, to indicate the figure he should be paid for his wind, either by the word or in bulk. It is quite likely that, so equipped, he would establish a record and come to be regarded as invincible, even if the metre were so constructed and arranged as to make it impossible for the human cyclone to tamper with its diaphragms with a jimmy or with a monkey-wrench, and in so doing change the result and at the same time cause the farm mortgage to crumble and dissolve and fade away like a handful of moonlight in the chaste, pink kiss of dawn. JN THIRTY-SIX YEARS of Republican rule a tower of strength has been builded up which should be a source of gratification and pride to all citizens who have the welfare and prosperity of the country at heart. Against this tower, which is composed of the stones of expansion, protec tion, the gold standard, and other stones too numerous to mention, the head of the Democratic ticket will be more mashed than mashing. Even if the said head be made of a substance more adamantine than that of the Democratic donkey itself, it will in all probability come out of the unequal butting contest in such a condition as to fill any phrenologist who loves his art with a joy that is large and deep and solid. When the contest shall be decided, however, the monument will be found to be reeking with the en- during quality that laughs at the teeth of time, as well as at the jaws of the wind-bag that would prevail against it. WHERE IT WENT. “He must have money saved up—he is a bachelor."* "Yes, he's a bachelor; but you forget that he has been engaged three times."" comicbooks.com