Judge, 1904-07-16 · page 4 of 20
Judge — July 16, 1904 — page 4: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several humor pieces typical of early 20th-century Judge magazine: **"A Dachshund Speaks"** - A humorous poem from a dachshund's perspective, playing on the breed's long body and German name (Ferd Rokyboodleschko). The satire appears to mock both the dog's appearance and perhaps German immigrant naming conventions. **"He Got His Compliment"** - A brief office joke about an elevator operator receiving a backhanded compliment regarding time management. **"Making Things Easy"** - A cartoon about a landlord warning tenants not to let cats in the door. **"The Millennium"** - A satirical piece about economic frustration, depicting common citizens unable to afford basic necessities while wealthy coal merchants profit—social commentary on class disparity and commercialism of everyday life. The page emphasizes period humor relying on class observation and gentle social critique.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
A DACHSHUND SPEAKS. SHAKE my head and wag my tail, And ripple as I lightly sail Adown the garden path in glee Against the cool wind blowing free. Atall tin cans I gayly scoff, Though on my tail 1 bite them off, Which makes the burden of my song, ‘Thank heaven I am six feet long! My ears are trailing on the ground, And I'ma very happy hound. This is the state that I prefer To that of the lithe frankfurter. name 's Ferd Ropkydoodleschloo— cuse me; I must fly unto My house, that’s seven feet by one, For here comes swiftly on the run The old dog-catcher, strong and prime, And I must beat the record time, Or else the net without ado Will scoop Ferd Ropkydoodleschloo. HE GOT HIS COMPLIMENT. Mr. Codex— By the way, sir, who directed you to my office ?” Mr, Cranberry— The elevator-man. Said you had more time than money.” JUDGE'S FAVORITES. JANE MANDEVILLE, “Tis hardly necessary To write the big fact down That this artistic fairy Wears art's most sumptuous crown, Because the public knows It's The truth that can’t be beat. And therefore fondly throws its Best flowers at her feet That ail the lights outtwinkle, While tripping here and there, As they serenely sprinkle ‘Sweet music on the air. HIGH-HANDED, EX THEY took my money by high-handed methods,” com- plains the victim. “Tell us about it,” we say, realizing that we are in for a tale of woe and that it is best to have it over with, “There's not much to tell, First I went up against 7 MAKING THINGS EASY. an ace full, and the rest of my stack went when the other Mr. Jones (from window, to burglars at front, door)—"*| say, fellers! when you open fellow sprung a royal flush on me.” the door please don’t let in the cat. My wife ’s awful particular, you know.” THE MILLENNIUM. EACH summer, when we go away, How happy we would be If our bald head could onl; “ There are no flies on mi OH, DAY OF JOY! AT LAST there came a time when the commén, ordi- nary citizen saw something which filled him: with happi- ness. : One dealer after another had charged him extortionate prices for the necessaries of life until it was a positive pain to him to see any one buying or selling anything. But one day he saw two men dickering with each other. The one was expostulating vig- orously, but the other was ada- mant. The one was his coal-man ; the other was his iceman, Truly, the mills of the gods A TIMELY HINT. grind slowly, but they get there Bawoer (at six a. m.)—"" Excuse me, Miss Maude: hadn't | better put on an extra plate for breakfast?" just the same. comicbooks.com