Judge — July 16, 1904 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

At Tux Pankxe Burepixc, Fourrmt AvENCE AND PUBLISHED WEF KTRRNTH StaKET, New Yous. Wasteen Anvernisine Orrice—1313 Hartford Building, Chicago, Mi. FOREIGN Eunornan sates-acnnis—/uternational News Company, Bream's bili The contents of FUD URSCRIPTIONS—To all foreign countries ncery Lane, F.C, London : Brentano's ne Crrisratas Jeno. n the postal union, $4.00 a year, venue de "Opera, Paris: Saarbach's News Exchange, Mal E are protected by copyright in both the United States and Great Britain. Infringement of this copyright will be promptly and vigorously prosecuted. CONTRIBUTORS must inclose a stamped and self-adsressed erfoelope with all manuscripts, otheftvise retura of the Latter when found unavailable cannot be guaranteed. DRAWINGS and all contributions sent to the Art Department should have the sender's fall name and address Yoritten plainly on each and every separate sketch. The accompanying Joke or descriptive letter-press should in évery instance be written upon its indvvidual picture, and NOT upon a separate slip of paper. Inclosure of stamps lo the full amount of postage (s also required, 10 insure safe and promot return of maternal not accepted. HE CLASSICAL standiag of the average college undergraduate of to-day depends largely upon the distance he can hurl the discus. THE BRICKS that get into the hats of the lotos-eaters who indulge not wisely but too often in mint-juleps are the bricks that are not made without straws. NOW THAT the nominations are made, much disappointment and cha- grin must be experienced by the many dark horses that would greatly prefer to shine and be known as horses of a different color. oe HE MOST solemn of all solemn ass flaunting his solemnity and his assininity by casting political horo- scopes which have for a basis of triumph the names of the candidates and the also-rans twisted and tortured into many other words. in christendom is now on deck HE DEMOCRATIC blunder ticket is always an object of interest to all people who think and have anything like lively sense of that kind of humor which tickles and puts on fat. Because, while it is and always will be a blunder ticket, the thinking people are continuously lost in specu lation as to what the next blunder will be, as it would seem that the inge- nuity of the blundersmiths is wellnigh exhausted. The resourcefulness of the Democratic managers in creating blunders which are original or nothing is so vast and wonderful that it almost amounts to genius of the Shake- spearian order. The blunder ticket that has been punched so often will be punched many times more, for its various legends, standing for every vari- ety of cupidity and crookedness will forever continue to come to the surface for repunching. The propaganda of graft is still active and carrying on business at the old stand; and this is but another way of saying that the blunder-mill will continue to work night and day, while the aforesaid blun- dersmiths are hatching the mistakes that will land their party a loser so long as that party shall remain in the field of competition. THE OPERATION of shoeing the ancient Democratic mule is now going on in that camp which is full of trouble. There are many shoes from which to choose the four which, in the estimation of such doctors of black- smithing as Hill and Olney, will put fresh life and speed into the time- scarred and weather-beaten quadruped. We fancy that the ability to beat record time is pretty well faded out of the historic skate, whose kicking propensity and friskiness are also in that misty realm that is macadamized and reeking with yesterdays. There is no to-morrow for the Democratic mule. He is a thing of the past, and all the shoes in creation, whether they fit him like the proverbial paper on the wall or like the rented bathing- suit at the seashore, will not add an iota to his carriage or general all-round agility. The days of his usefulness, if he ever had any, have gone, and when they departed they were not supplied with excursion-tickets. The days of his uselessness are now here; and if time, as we are told, is money, the blacksmiths who are shoeing the scrawny beast of Democracy are los- ing a sufficient amount of cash to cause Russell Sage to squirm as if taken suddenly by and with appendicitis on a street-car. There is still a good, profitable use to which the Democratic donkey may be put, and his man- agers should be informed of it without loss of time. It is to boil the rattle- jointed quadruped down and, so to speak, translate him into buttons, jack- knives, footballs, dancing-pumps, glue, and mullagatawny. GOT IT GOOD. Downwarp Srocxs—*' Did yer hear about Tired Tatters gettin’ an automobile ?”* Parxsencn Pore—'' No. jow did Tatters ever get an automobile ?"" Downwaro Stocks—"' He didn't dodge quick enough an’ got it In de neck."* comicbooks.com