Judge — July 16, 1904 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

MYSTERY OF THE HEDGE. 9 HE man sat with his head in his hands, gazing gloomily before him, The hose with which he had been uproot- ing the early sweet-peas in an effort to make them bloom ahead of his neighbor's lay discarded in the grass ; the bucket of poisoned water for the rose-bugs was untouched, Discour- agement and despair showed in every feature. Casting aside his volume of « How To Be Happy Although urbanite,” which had stood him in good stead many times before, he rose to his tired feet. “Martha,” he said to his wife, who was training a rosebush on a trellis made of strawberry-boxes, ac- coriling to directions in the Ladies’ Roaming Mournal ; “Martha, I can stand this no more. I said, when yonder © successful amateur farmer first came into the neighbor- hood, that I would not ask him how he managed to keep such a fine hedge, when the rest of us had to cut ours down on account of the microbes that got into it—but I can stand this no more! 1 won't be happy until I have <8 ~ Ss 2. 23 aS Ee, be ey eS Loos TROUBLE IN THE AIR. | Bronco Bitt—" What did Tough Tompkins die of Grizzty Pete—'* Well, the poor guy needed a change of air an’ couldn't get It." Bronco Bit.—"* Lung trouble?” Grizzty Pete—" No: he was lynched." cr, pointing to a luxuriant, regular and delightfully | green row which surrounded the house.“ Do you not know that there is none like it in all Lonesomedale 2 Do you not know that when we see you every evening wa- tering it copiously we feel like rushing across your lawn and murdering you where you stand? All our hedges have been sacrificed —but yours goes on as fresh and green as ever. Is nature discriminating against us, or what? Tell me, cre Ido you bodily harm “Certainly,” replied the s.a.f. “Come up and a look yourself. I, too, passed through the trouble \d learned a trick or two. This hedge will go on fore nd he pointed to it with pride. “ What—what is it called 2” asked the other. haven't named it yet,” replied the s. a you may take my word for it, it will be green as long as my tank of paint holds out and the hose doesn't break. The hedge, my dear sir, is made of cast-iron, and this is the way I keep it fresh. It saves trouble and worry, & you are having— THE FIRST LAW OF NATURE. First cucumser—"' say! what the deuce are you getting into that pickle for?” Secoun cocuesn—" Merely axa master oF all rcoeerntion.” and it looks like a prize-winner, doesn’t it? But with bowed head the other suburhanite was wrung the secret from him, And making his way homeward. JACK APPLETON. Tam going to do that now * But, James, surely ": gan his helpmate. * Do not try to dissuade me,” he answered, kicking his book of directions on how to tell suburban odors apart out of his way. “1 am desperate—I must know ! Striding off in the direction of the great house set far back from the road, he clinched his hands and approached the success- fal amateur farmer with a courage horn of determination. ir,” he said, “when you came here I swore I would make no overtures to you, You got our cook away from us, and that places an impassable gulf between us; but I must know one thing from your lips, even though I get that information by force.” The successful amateur farm- er raised his eyebrows as easily as —— he- if they had been lettuce. OVERHEARD NEAR THE TRACKS. “ Pray, explain,” said he. 2 Picent Lono—" Whatcha doin’ wid de time-table, Weary—seein’ w'en de next train leaves fer yer country-seat « That hedge !" cried the oth- ‘Weary—"' Naw; I'm pickin’ out me stateroom on de Kaiser Willem de Grocery fer me annual jaunt ter Yurrup.”* comicbooks.com