Judge, 1904-07-16 · page 11 of 20
Judge — July 16, 1904 — page 11: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from *Judge* magazine contains several satirical pieces: **"A False Alarm"** (top cartoons): Shows men in a panic, believing danger is imminent. The caption reveals it's a false alarm—Hans Blutwurst merely took someone's lunch. The joke satirizes overreaction and hysteria. **"His Proper Sphere"** (bottom): Editors debate a new reporter's incompetence—he "can't spell correctly or write grammatically, and hasn't brains enough to come in out of the rain." They conclude he's only fit to be the newspaper's proprietor (owner). This is satirical commentary on newspaper management quality and the irony that the least competent person might end up in charge. The left column contains "An Old Salt's Observations"—homespun philosophies from a seasoned sailor character, typical of period humor using folksy wisdom and dialect. These pieces reflect early 20th-century *Judge* magazine's mix of social satire, workplace humor, and character-based comedy.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
AN OLD SALT’S OB- A FALSE ALARM. SERVATIONS. i ]F save my money for We Mi; Web a tainy day we're deaw LM dais stormy weather. The wisest thing there is,is a little child that ain't had time to learn things wrong. I knowed a chap who slept nightly on a bed of roses. But he didn't dare turn over, fearin’ thorns. Hike pictures in my newspapers. They show so clearly how th’ crime could have heen commit- ted if th’ criminal had only talked a little with th’ artist first. Instinct amongst an- imals is an_astonishin’ thing. A Pullman porter made a v'yage with me, an’ when we got down to Havana ev'ry shark there in th’ bay come up an’ swum around ree spectful like, a-t get one glimpse of him. “Madam,” says th’ age, a-lookin’ at th’ lord chamberlain’s sweet- heart attentively, “I'm but a lad, but then your mightiness yourself is but a lady. You will ob- serve that there is but a y between us." She ae hts to clasped him to her Hans Buurwurst—' Vot's der matter mit you fellers? | yoost took mein loonch, dot’s all,”* bosom, “ What's th’ town all decorated for ?” th’ stranger asked. Oh,” says th’ prominent citizen, “ B. Izzy Penn, th’ author of historical nov- nests as they used to do.” els, lives here. He allus puts us in each book he writes.” “ Has he “1 suppose,” observed Percival, «that the hens also are finding jest turned out another book?” th’ stranger asks. “Oh, no,” replies that club-life is compelling them to abandon many of the olil ideas th’ prominent citizen. He’s jest come down with writers’ cramp.” about how to conduct a home.” ens out, you see, and the hens do not have to waste time sitting on the HIS PROPER SPHERE. Manacine eorror—" That's right. The poor fellow seems fitted for nothing but to be the proprietor of the paper.”” ‘That new reporter is the limit. He can't spell correctly or write grammatically, and hasn't brains enough to come in out of the rain.”* There is men so lazy that they do it better than th’ ablest_an’ most industrious men does work. + What jou doin’ there?” I asked a feller who was settin’ on th’ dock.“ A-watchin’ of th’ tide come in,” he says, An’ what you goin’ do after it’s all in?” L asked, He looked at me in sheer surprise. “Why, then," says he, “I'll watch it ebb, of course.” “1 shall die if you don't marry me,” said th’ smitten swain to Evalina, She didn't. marry him, an’ they met ten yi later, he bein’ still alive. “TL thought you said youl die if T didn't marry you,” she said. “Well,” says th’ cruel man as he looked her over, ““an’so I shall some day, T reckon; but now I've seen you once ag’in, an’ how age decorates you, gratitude for my es- cape will prob'ly keep me livin’ longer than I had ‘re'lly expected.” 1s. SeTTHIS here is T cubator, tle Rollo, who is showing his cousin over the coun- try place. “We use it now to hatch the chick-