Judge — July 2, 1904 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE LAST LAUGH. THE ball I balance on my nose While Iam dancing on my toes Upon the slack-wire, like a king, Across the merry circus-ring. Wise folk oft laugh at me and scoff While thus I pay the mortgage off; But unto them I shout aghast, «« Who wins the shekels chuckles last !"" SNUBBED. ss]T IS very warm to-day,” vol- unteered the reporter to the society lady by way of opening the interview. “I do not care either to af- firm or deny the rumor,” she said with much emphasis. WHAT DREW THE CROWD. AN EMINENT citizen of international sympathies stopped to look at the bulletin-board of a daily paper, on which an energetic man with a large brush was writing in letters two feet high the latest news from the seat of war. The street was crowded with a surging mob, and after almost every word a hoarse roar went up that shook the sky- scrapers in the vicinity. “Dear me!" exclaimed the wise one, adjusting his glasses and beginning to read. «+ Fourteen thousand Japs killed and seven Rus- sian war-ships sunk with all on board! Rumor that Port Arthur has fallen again !’ How terrible! No wonder the crowd is roaring, though Iam a trifle confused as to which of the parties to the great conflict is receiving its sympathy.” Turning to a neighbor who was particularly vociferous, he ob- served tentatively, “The little Japs are a wonderful people, are they not ?” DIDN'T FAVOR THEM ANY. “Gwan !" sai fA witvotiv 7" “1 like folks that keeps thelr promises." e a said the man who had been addressed. Wot yer talk: Lr a sedi yalha nen “The battle, of course.” “It’s a great battle ali right, but I can't see wot de blazes de Japs has got ter do wid it. De Beantown Twirl- ers is puttin’ up de fight uv deir lives, an’ d¢ Porkville Knockers “—— But at this point the eminent citizen became aware of the fact that it was the baseball bulletin that the crowd was watching, and he faded away toward the trolley-car that was to glide him homeward. A DIAGNOSIS IN 1776, SOYVHAT do you suppose is the trouble with those American colonies of mine?” asked George III. while his physician was looking at the gouty foot. “I should say,” remarked the physician gravely, «that, from all the symptoms, the colonies have become affected with independencitis.” Subsequent events proved that the physician was cor- rect, but it required a great many operations to relieve King George. A PATRIOTS VIEW. Horan (infuriatedly)—"' Be hivin, Patsy! th’ dago flrewor-rks dealer hov shwindled yez. TRUTH is occasionally, though not frequently, stranger ‘There's only wan grane foire-cracker In th’ whole pack.” than war-rumors. . BUT IT DID. Uncte JosH—"" You're the hardest man ter pull up I ever sot agin.” Cr—" By gum! I'm goin’ ter pull ye up if the stick don't— comicbooks.com