Judge, 1904-06-25 · page 7 of 19
Judge — June 25, 1904 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple brief satirical sketches mocking various American social and political figures circa early 1900s: **"Ferd Sclofferinsky's Confession"** ridicules an apparently self-important mosquito-swatter in Morristown, NJ who absurdly credits Wagner music for his pest-control success. **"Canard Disproved"** jokes that Kentucky delegates to a hotel convention *don't* drink—contradicting Michigan's stereotype of Kentuckians as heavy drinkers. **"The Other Side of It"** satirizes urban political corruption: a ward-heeler complains a voter won't stay "bought" (accept bribes), but the voter counters that his vote is simply too independently-minded to remain sold. **"Her Preference"** presents a woman dismissing various male types, preferring only champagne ("pop"). **"His Objection"** mocks a tramp opposing Roosevelt's predicted "walkover" election victory—not from principle, but because electoral certainty drives down vote-buying prices. The sketches use ethnic dialect humor and target political machine corruption as primary themes.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
FERD SCLOFFERINSKY’S CONFESSION. [POS the fate alt the day, And sometimes all the night, T with my finest vigor play And quickly put to flight The grim mosquitoes as they file The air in manner gay About my little domicile In Morristown, N. J. I'm worth my weight in gold because I make the skeeter scoot, And more than spike his hungry jaws And Deat the burning boot In swiftly knocking him awry ; And so I shout * Hooray ! No skeeter ’s fiddle-proof when I A fague from Wagner play.” CANARD DISPROVED. THE Kentucky delegation is assembled in the corridor of the Wadditorium hotel, when a facetious Michigander seeks to make merry at their ex pense, Calling to a passing bell-boy, he says, “I suppase you have been kept pretty busy since all these Kentuckians came to the house ?” “No busier than usual, sir.” “Why, don’t they keep you rushing every morning bringing drinks to their rooms when they get up ?” “No, sir,” replies the boy courteously, while the Kentuckians smile ap- provingly. * You don’t mean to say that they don’t drink ?" asks the Michigander. “No, sir. They don’t go to hed.” COMMERCIALISM. ‘The limit. THE OTHER SIDE OF IT. O, JAKE,” said the ward-heeler; “1 can’t put up any more stuff for you. You went against me last fall, after you had my money, ‘The trouble with you is you won't stay bought.” “You're wrong, Pete,” argued the honest voter. “The trouble ain't with me, Seems as if my vote was so blamed contrary it won't stay sold.” HER PREFERENCE. HIE blushed and murmured, + As to men, often mutter ‘Dem’; And, two, they straight I fear they have a wicked But all my doubts of mankind stop Whenever Tincet with a pop." HIS OBJECTION. First tramp—"\'m afraid Roosevelt's goin’ ter a walkover. Heck tee a fc cond tramp— Is yer opposed to him 2" Ketty—'" Shure, Pat, you're too full to walk home. Git on a throlley-car."* : nay raria a aie Ryan—"' Faith, if Ol can't shtand cop on a soldewalk, how th’ divil could Oi shtand oop in vst tramp—Tain't so much dat; but when any a throlley-car?" body ‘s got a walkover de price uv votes goes down.” A GOOD SUBSTITUTE. Wrecxen Fishermen—* If ve dot boat didn’t bust dot breeze vud took us “Vot's der matter mit dem vooden shoes yet?" to-day by Amsterdam, comicbooks.com