Judge — June 25, 1904 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE'S FAVORITES. FLORA ZABELLE IN ‘THE YANKEE CONSUL. You whirl like a leaf in the gale, You bob like a rose on the stem, And that's why we say, In a general way, That you are the sort of a gem That knocks out your trayful, which, let us repeat, You never will have to have grabbed on the street. aid Gladys, rising to greet the caller. “ Mr. Honey and I were just discussing politics when you arrived. We have been ar- guing about the difference between a majority and a ." said Mr. But- tin, with a patronizing glance at Mr. Honey, * it is easily understood, A ma- jority is a preponderance of favor between two parties, while a plurality is an ex- cess over all.” “Ah, ighed Miss Gladys. «It is just like the old saying that ‘ two is com- Tue camine— Say, Bucephalus, | am somewhat of a Thecsophist. after death my next appearance on this earth may be in the form of a frankfurter.”" Tue equine—" Same here. TWO COMEONS, sot WAS in this hall,” says the ex-Democrat as he and his companion file into the Coliseum, * that William Jennings Bryan made the speech which induced the Democrats to give him his first nomination for the presi- dency.” “And it was right around the corner,” said the companion, an ex-populist, “and the same year, too, that a fellow of the name of ‘Bull Con Bob’ made a speech to me that in- duced me to give him twenty dollars to see the hole in the lake.” Then the twain shook hands as one. AN OLD SALT’S OBSERVATIONS. H’ softest bed-springs in the world is a hard day's work took jest before retirin’, I wonder what my wife would think of me if I paid a dollar ev'ry year to take a paper tellin’ all about th’ newest style in oif-skins, an’ describin’ of th’ latest fashions for th’ sum- mer sou'westers ? Jim Jones has great descriptive powers. It was so dark las’ night,” says he, «that Tom's black hat stood out ag'inst th’ night like a pure white spot. An’ fog! We sounded an’ brought up mud that was a good deal thinner than th’air. Th’ crew took turns a-breath- in’ of it for to git relief.” A WILD-WEST LIMERICK. There was a progressive young Sioux Who bought him a camera brand nioux. Said he, “It's all rot To call this a snap-shot;* So he made an improvement or tioux. «Tshould think,” the young girl said who come on board while we was takin’ on a load of railroad rails, “you'd be afraid to carry sech a heavy cargo.” ‘It ain't th’ heft of loads so often as it is insurance weight that sinks th’ ships,” says 1; an’ I've been chucklin’ ever since because I was so cute. A passenger an’ his wife was quarrelin’ on th’ ship, one day, to beat th’ band. “ What's th’ matter 2" says 1, comin’ « He says them queer- " banks off there on th’ horizon is th’ coast,” says she, ‘an’ I tell him that they're clouds.” Humph !" says I, an’ walked along. They had an awful fight about it, an’ when they got ashore to New York city she took a cab to her law- yer’s an’ he took an elevated train to his'n. They was divorced. P.s.—The banks they scrapped about was ice-bergs. owaRo saxsnatt. Ted—" When she was young she was always run- ning after the me Ned—" That explains why she never caught one.” a THE MYSTERIOUS FUTURE. I believe that I'm not sure but that /'/! be turned into a can of beef."* pany and three is a crowd, isn’t it?” And the meaning look that passed be- tween Gladys and Mr. Honey convinced Mr. Buttin that he had been count- ed out. Publisher— “This is the most stupid novel I ever read.” Author— 1, THE OLD AND— The ‘chancery "* of the olden times was the art of getting the ‘opponent's head under the arm,-so he cou.d not fight “But it will dra- matize beauti- fully.” 2. ——THE NEW. But nowadays the trick is to get your glove over your opponent's mouth, so he may no? be able to defeat you talking. comicbooks.com