Judge — May 14, 1904 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AN OLD SALT’S OBSERVATIONS. IF YOU'VE got nothin’ to say an’ have jest gof to say it, say it quick, “What,” says she, “is th’ use of bein’ logical? Ic’n git what /want by jest bustin’ into tears.” Some women are like sugar-cane — they only yield their sweetness after they've been crushed. “What's eloquence?” a man asked me. * It’s bein’ able to make things that you don’t believe sound fine,” says I. They allus say a novel turns out happy if th’ hero an’ th’ heroine is married atthe end, But how about th’ marriage ? I've learned to look out for th’ man that's so frank in tellin’ us about his little sins. It gen'ly An’ so there wor a casuality up at th’ Orangemin's picnic, wor there ?"* means he’s hidin’ bigger ones. Eat eauiher cate ay 5 rockin," th boat Lyddy said to me one day, “ Th’ moment a wo- Yis: a party av patriotic Oirishmin rocked their boat from th’ bank.” man’s love for her husband stops a-growin’ it begins to shrink.” Now, what did she mean by that? in th’ mouth about somethin’ or other quite domestic. “ How,” says Th’ greatest library in th’ world ‘s in th’ British museum. It he, “can men an’ women expect to git on well in double harness with wouldn't hold one-half what th’ smallest old maid in Rhode Island sech a notorious bad whip as society seated on th’ box?” Said th’ witch to th’ woman, ut wl yo UU nae Lait agin top Your tak \ aul a in’ altogether ; I'm jest goin’ to fix it so 's you can’t say mean things about others or brag about your- self." Ouch!" said the woman, “ That settles it—I'm dumb.” An’ so she was! is full of mix-ups. The ge | made on a steamer, the fo'c’s‘le grub was so bad the hungry sailors couldn't eat it, while the cabin table was one of the best on the hull ocean. But ev'ry passenger was seasick an’ without an appetite. “T don't especial like that woman,” said she as another lady passed, “ Why?" I ast. She said some awful mean things about me,” was th’ reply. A minute later another woman went by the win- dow. “I jest haée her!" was the bitter exclamation. + Why ?” was ast. “She never pays no atten- tion to me at a///" was the angry answer, EDWARD MARSHALL ON THE BRAIN. Tireo Tooter—" Nuthin’ in dese papers but canal, canal, canal.”” Rusty Ruoten—"* Yes; de public seems ter hev water on de brain." thinks she knows about hus- bands. I've often wondered why all skulls grin. Mebbe it’s th’ nice things that they hear said about their owners after death, An’ then ag'in, mebbe that ain't it, “A minute ago “ain't here no longer. “In jest a minute" won't, mebbe, never come to us. “Now"'s re'lly all we've got or ever will have. Let's have a drink. Quick! I went into a town one day, an’ all I had was a twenty- dollar bill. I tried to git it changed, an’ couldn't. I was - jest. as hungry there without my dinner as I would have been if I'd been flat broke. It was a horsy chap that asked me this, an’ he was down. A SAFE BET. Well, the dealer said this auto was twenty horse-power, didn’t he?"’ Mr. Jones—" Yes; but I'll bet at least eighteen of them are nightmares.”*