Judge — April 23, 1904 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

WELL PICKED. “They picked me-down at the club to win the feather-weight championship to-night.”” “Sol see, And they did an excellent job.”* UNIQUE. Author— In my new novel the hero is con- victed of crime "— Publisher —* Nothing new in that idea”. dluthor—* Ab, but he’s guilty !" THE “SANDWICH-MAN.” ETWEEN two boards of variegated hue He boldly sails upon the human sea, A merry-hearted derelict is he, Heedless of wintry winds that cut him through, Old Quint. Horatius Flaccus might pursue With shafts of wit this wooden effigy, Only to find a branch of his own tree. And Mare. Aurelius Antonius, too, Might envy his philosophy profound— “This urban troglodyte so blithe and gay, Whose placid mind is never on the rack. He treads along the old familiar ground, And is content, for fifty cents a day, To die with all the harness on his back. nc A SIGN OF THE TIMES. Traveling ‘salesman (flatteringly)— “ How Blankville is growing !" Local tradesman (enthusiastically) — Ishould say it was! A few years ago it was only a one-horse, and now it is a seven- automobile, town.” THE DAWN OF REASONING. sepa” asked the little Wise boy, « what is a buttery 2” A buttery, my son,” explained Mr. is where people make butter.” Then do they make augers in an augury 2” JUDGE'S FAVORITES. HELENA FREDERICK IN ‘‘ THE TENDERFOOT.” You are a flower of the plains that on the boards serenely glows, And quite outshines for daintiness the rich and many-dollared rose With which the anxious Willie-boy presents you nightly, all abeam, The while you pose or caracole, a joy, a fantasy, a dream, ‘THE SOCIAL CALENDAR. «6 VES, I have been so busy with my visits this week,” said the impressive lady. “1 Mondayed in Chicago and Tuesdayed at Peoria. Then I Wednesdayed at home and Thursdayed in Michigan City. I Fridayed with friends at Moline and Saturdayed at Waukegan.” “Yes?” asked the friend. ‘And where do you ex- pect to to-day to-morrow ?” Sew t& (Wes NOT DEFINITE. =e 66PLEASE print instructions for smoking sausage,” wrote the constant reader to the answers-for-the- anxious editor. “ Which—the long or the fine cut ?” he wrote beneath the query. zs we distresses most of us in looking at our future is BEFORE THE FOOT LIGHTS. that we can’t see much of anything but our finish. FOR THE PICNIC. ND when I return,” says the home-going missionary to the con- verted cannibal chief, “we shall get our lit- tle flock together and have a church picnic, as is the custom in my native land. Now, is there anything I can bring back with me that would please = you?" * Well,” said the cannibal chief, “suppose you bring a few sandwich- men, just for that picnic.” MISS BARGAIN COUNTER. Ted —"She cuts rather an odd figure.” Ned—"No wonder! Her gown cost nine dollars ninety-eight, her hat two dollars forty-nine, and her shoes one dollar seventy-four.” MORE THAN HIS DUE. Stace-Hano (of ‘“Faust"* company)—"' Say, Bill, dis is de most appreciative aujince we've struck. Neves in givin’ de devil his due.” Dey be- comicbooks.com