Judge — April 23, 1904 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

At THe Parwxn BurLpixc, Fourtit AVENUE as PUBLISHED WEEK NINeTRENTH STREET, New Yous. Wastenn Aovexnisinc Orrice— 1313 Hartford Ruilding, Chicage, Mh UNITED STATES AND CANADA IN ADVANCE. One copy, one year, or sanumbers- = eee One copy, six months, or 26 numbers = One cop} for thirteen weeks Including the Curistatas Juncn FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS—To all foreign countries in the postal union, $5.00 a year. EUKOVEAN SALKS-AGENTS— International News Company, Bream's build , Chancery Lane, E, Cy London ; Brentano's, Avenue del" Opera, Paris wardach's News Exchange, Mains, Germany. The contents of FUDGE are protected by copyright tn both the United States and Great Britain, Infringement of this copyright will be prompily and bigorously prosecuted. CONTRIBUTORS must inclose a stamped and self-addressed ertdelope with all manascripts, othertvise return of the Latter when found unavailable cannot be guaranteed, DRAWINGS and all contribations sent to the Art Department shoald have the sender's full name and address “written plainly on each and every separate sketch. descriptive letter-press should in évery instance be written upon its indoidaal picture, and NOT upon a separate insure safe and prompt return of material not accepted. YTS now almost time o’er the shingle and shale To note the sea-serpent a-wiggling his tail And shouting with rapture and musica! grace Unto his protector, the blithe boniface, Your life, you can bet, while these warm zephyrs blow— One sea-serpent makes a sum-mer, don’t you know. GROVER CLEVELAND is now regarded in many quarters as the greatest political mystery of his time and party, and one that may not yield easily to the probe. It cannot be truthfully said that he is a sphinx, in the strictest meaning of the term, when it is remembered that he has from time to time unsealed his lips, though not in a fashion calcu- lated to unscale the eye of the subtle gleaner of facts who has persistently camped upon his trail. He probably believes with the French philosopher that words were invented for the purpose of concealing thought, and that by judicious and well-chosen phrases he may so discourse to the people who would draw him out as to convince them that the opposite of that which he says is that which he means. Words in the mouth of Mr. Cleve- land are as balls in the hands of a juggler. He manages them well, and with most excellent skill, to the end that his hearers wring their hands and marvel much in their mad efforts at interpretation. His well-rounded sen- tences, that are usually the perfection of form, mean a little of everything and not much of anything; so that when the great one has finished, his hearers do not quite know whether they have been listening to something that is the stewed terrapin of thought and the canned beans of meaning or the opposite. In short, his swallow flights of talk are so invested with the quality of deep and grave mystery, wedded to sublime emptiness, that they may be said to amount to that which might be called the side-stepping and ducking of the talking art. Therefore it is difficult to say whether or not his no means yes, or whether or not, when he sings ** Shoo, fly! don’t bodder me,”’ he means ‘* Shoo, fly! do bodder me.”” The said fly is buzz- ing in close proximity to the Princeton prophet’s skull, and he may or may not fancy, while listening to its dulcet melody, that he is being soothed by the ever-witching strains of the presidential bee, that soft recorder which never fails to please. Mr. Cleveland is ever a pleasant as well as a pictur: esque study, it matters not what his attitude may be; and whether he wants the office or the office wants him, or neither wants the other, is now the question which agitates alike the banker and the plumber, until they cannot for the life of them decide whether Mr. Cleveland has or has not a “| Ny The accompanying joke or of paper. Inclosure of stamps to the full amount of postage ts also required, 10 fighting chance for the nomination, or if, considered from all pos of view, he is caviare to the general or fish-balls to the elect. ible points HE PATH that leads to the Democratic nomination may be paved with good intentions, but still it would be well for the man who travels this road successfully to provide himself with a suit of armor to offset the flails, clubs, axes and other engines of destruction which will play a composite solo on his anatomy with a view to reducing him to pulp. It matters not if the said candidate shall have the qualities of an angel or of a fiend incarnate, he will not be apt to meet with favor in the eyes of the commercial mob that is ranged along the road, which will be more or less Jordanesque from the traveler’s point of view. These knights or harpies of the shop and factory already have their bludgeons out for protection against the candi- date, whoever he shall and they are grinding their knives and scythes in view of very lively days which will ensue a brief handful of moons hence. The anticipation of this grand gauntlet-running scene is more of a gilt-edged vision to the prospective clubbers than to the one that shall be clubbed. That there are lively times ahead must go without saying, and the quality of the said liveliness will be more keenly felt by the nomina- tion-hunter than by any one else connected with the fracas. The w. horses of the Democratic party are pretty badly spavined and moth-eaten, with one or two exceptions, and they are likewise reeking with the saw- dust odor peculiar to the circus-ring. In fact, it is practically and to all in- tents and purposes a war-horseless party, and when the preferred nag of weird, fantastic anatomy, that seems incased in a crazy-quilt of ancient trunk-coverings, shall be trotted out there will be a scene that will make an ordinary railroad riot look like a Sunday-school strawberry festival. The manufacturers and shop-keepers mean business, and they will slug and stab and kick when the time arrives, that the Democratic candidate may be hashed and minced, and that the eagle of commerce may shriek until the welkin of counterjumperdom shall not only be split but fractured be- yond repair.‘ Woe is me!’ will the successful aspirant grunt while the blows fall upon him thick and fast, unless he can gather the weapons to his breast, as Winkelried of old gathered the spears. But it is not likely that his gauntlet experience in the way of a beating will amount to much in com- parison with the Waterloo he will meet when the leaves whirl in gold and russet eddies and the wind moans drearily in the boughs of the moss- bound aldermen of the forest. DISTRIBUTING THE LOAD. Baciauturo (the organ artist)—** Whatsa matta you, Rosalie? You makea me do alla de worka—you no do nonea. Givea de pull—givea d:. pull"" comicbooks.com