Judge, 1904-04-09 · page 4 of 16
Judge — April 9, 1904 — page 4: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple humorous sketches and anecdotes rather than unified political commentary. **"The Pilot Porker"** mocks a pig that supposedly pilots a boat—satirizing incompetence or foolishness through animal metaphor. **"A Costly Error"** jokes about a commuter punching an officer over a ticket mix-up, satirizing bureaucratic absurdity. **"His Opportunity"** ridicules a struggling poet/scribbler advised by an editor to write a popular novel instead—mocking both failed writers and commercial publishing pressure. **"Palmistry"** depicts a fortune teller making money off gullible clients, satirizing both con artists and people's belief in superstitions. **"Stage Gossip"** contains theatrical rumors, typical Judge content targeting entertainment world drama. **"Boxing His Ears"** (illustration) and **"Jes' Waitin'"** (poem) appear to be dialect humor, common to the era. The page lacks coherent theme—it's typical Judge miscellany: satirizing human foibles, incompetence, and vanity across various social classes and professions.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
THE PILOT PORKER. HERRAH for the piggie that pilots me home When up to the hat-band I'm freighted wit’ foam! Hurrah for the piggie that capers along And keeps me a-moving, as if to a song! Harrah for the piggie that leads me so straight Right unto my doorstep when I'm bock-el A COSTLY ERROR. First commuter. Oh, hang it all!" Second commuter. First commuter (bitterly) —" Let the conductor punch my fifty-servant intelligence-office ticket in- stead of my commutation.” HIS OPPORTUNITY. Scribbler— In declining my poems the editor said I had no literary ability and ad- vised me to go in for something else.” renfield— Did he suggest anything 2” Scribbler—* Yes; told me to try my hand at a popular novel.” JUDGE'S FAVORITES. ALLENE CRATER IN ‘' THE WIZARD OF 02." Of the fairyland of art you're the dainty nymph Whose rare beauty ever is care’s destroying lymph. When you frolic with a smile, and you roll your eyes, Time, we're willing to confess, like good money flies. As ten thousand dreams in one e’er you beat the band In the land of Oz, or in any other land. PALMISTRY. # AND what are you doing?” asks the chairman of the committee on labor and charities, who is in- specting the factory where are made the perpetuated palms. “Lam telling fortunes,” shyly answered the young woman whom he addressed. ling fortunes “Yes, sir. Can you not see | am reeding palms 2" And with a gay, insouciant giggle she bent over her work. STAGE GOSSIP. The actress—« Lottie Lightfoot has had a row with her press-agent PARADOXICAL. The actor—* What's the troubl Country srore-xeerer—'Cur'us abaout Abe Green's last experience with a Noo York The actress—*Why, when she was examined in sharper. Yer see, in gittin’ th’ best of it Abe got th’ worst of it.”* lementary proceedings th sear onlcesveial Uncte Zexe—" Haow ‘n tarnation ‘s thet?” Supplementary proceedings. the: papers.only gave here Country store-xeerer—" Wa-al, th’ bunco chap got so mad ‘cos’ Abe wouldn't buy th’ paragraph when she expected a column.” gold-brick of him thet he soaked him with with th’ an’ then went through him, b’gos! JES’ WAITIN'. es’ a-waitin’ fo! de robin’ atchin’ fo’ de jay ; * fo? de hummin Bird dat’s loafin’ on de way. Gittin’ tired ob eat ttin’ tired ob roastin’ yam; a-found’rin’ on de side meat, cbber want ter taste ob ham, Moughty weary wakin’ mawnin's Wid de shivers an’ de shakes ; Kind ob achin’ fo’ spring-feber— Wouldn't mind ter see sum snakes. Jes’ a-waitin’ by de hen-house Fo' de dominick ter hatch. When dese am cum de watabmilyun Will be ripenin’ in de patch. PRANK M. BROOKS. THE HONEYED TONGUE. Cholly—« Why is love's young dream so sweet ?” Dolly— On account of all the “BOXING HIS EARS." taffy you men give us.” comicbooks.com