Judge — April 2, 1904 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AN OLD SALT'S OB- SERVATIONS. ANY a man knows where there’s a lot of treasure locked up, and then ers that he’s left his hunch of keys to home. There's iliseo one way in ich my ship an’ th’ sea is better than your house an’ th’ front yard—I don’t have to mow the seaweed. A lie 's like fire—it makes a small place awful hot. Th’ scandal that it causes is like its smoke— itll smootch a whole neigh- horhood. “If you could select th’ strongest. material in th’ world to make your ca of what would you use man asked me. Mother- L answers. age country deacon’s ideas of what truc sgoodness consists of re- minds me of th’ Irishman’s detinition of h’ ave an octogena- rian, “An octogenarian, says th’ Irishman, “is a man with eight foot.” tues on euch Girls is queer. says she no,” says she, Pistou Pere yere bee-yoo-tiful cannon. Lire Witt dor Tasked one one day what she was a-laug! iW’ next day she was eryin’ an’ Lasked her th’ ¢ “Guess it's th’ same thing that made me lau “Stranger, I'm sure yer w only a hundred bones. And now that I've got the gun I'll trouble you to return my hundred dollars—quick!"" AN ALTERNATIVE HINTED. Mrs, Fatton—" Good-marnin’, Mrs. Toolan! Do yez t'ink we'll hov war?" Ms. Tootan—" Oi don’t know, Mrs. Fall It depinds greatly phether yez do or t fergit to return th’ flat-irons yez borrowed av me, Do yez moind ?"" pin’ at. +L dunno,” use of that, Edun- yesterday.” I've seen th’ sea when it deceitful, then it was like a cat. I've seen it was gray, crouchin’; roarin’, terribl then it was like a lion. rampant, it when it was dreamy, beautiful I've seen kind ; then it was like a woman, For it was like cnough to change within sixteen seconils. How we do waste time! I know a feller that went to college, an’ when he come out th’ professor said with pride’ that that chap ter buy dis Patl_ a vocabulary of six thousand words. An’ yet I've found out that that feller died jest because he didn't know how to say no when he was asked to have a drink. Many a com- mandin’ officer hax deserved jest about as much credit for th’ battles that his troops have won; jest about as much credit for th’ savin’ of his ship in time of storm, as th' man who rings up th’ curtain at th’ theatre does for th’ merit of th’ play. THE TABLES WERE TURNED ON THE BAD COWMAN. deal like my own memory. could all paste our recollections up all nic 4 I knew a fisherman who had been dog poor on Cape Cod ail his life, but everybody liked him, One day he ran afoul of a great lump of ambergris a-floatin’ in th’ bay. He sold it for thirty-eight thousand dollars an’ sixty-two cents, Within ayear he hadn't a friend on th’ cape, an’ had begun to abuse his wife. was that ? If you go to a certain muscum in Holland you can still th’ scales where they weighed people a cused of hein’ sorcerers, you was of a certain we or over you was hanged Now, why see you was of another weight or under you was burned at th’ stake. Th’ thing to do was to avoid bein’ weigh- ed. Same ’s true about be- in’ talked about by some folks. I sce a scrap-book once had made while he was locked up inan insane-asylum. As. Looked at it | couldn't help that a hopeless mar but think that it was a good Wouldn't it be nice if we nd methodical an’ then make a ready-reference index for’em ? Lime Wituie—"And I think I'll just keep the gun as a souvenir of this little adventure. On your way, there! So long! comicbooks.com