Judge — March 26, 1904 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUBLISHED WEEKLY AT THe PARKKn BUILDING, FOURTH AVENUE AND NINETEENTH StaKET, New You. Western Avvewnisinc Orrice— 1313 Hartford Building, Chicage, TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS: UNITED STATES AND CANADA IN ADVANCE, One copy, one year, or sanumbers- =e One copy, six months, of 26 numbers = ‘One copy, for thirteen weeks FORE CONTRIBUTORS DRAWINGS and descriptive lett insure safe and prompt return of material not accepted. F, AS WE ARE TOLD, speech is silver and silence is golden, Bryan and old Uncle David must be amassing colossal fortunes at the present time. THE IMPRESSIONS of many juvenile wishbones in the soft, mellow earth tell the white-haired sage that was once a human boy that the baseball season is just about here, if it has not already arrived. THE festive maple-tree now flows red-hot Unto the gurgle of the bluebird’s chirrup; But when the steaming buckwheat-cake is not, Wherefore the squirtle of the maple syrup? White THE RUSSIAN and the Jap are kicking each other in the solar plexus and indulging in other little social amenities calculated to preserve the fizz and vim that now characterize their relations, Uncle Sam and John Bull are certainly doing their utmost to keep the said exchange of pleasantries from spreading and scattering too much. In their pictur- esque activities our avuncular relative and his British cousin fancy they see a volcano which, if it should burst, would be likely to cause much unnec- essary friction and unpleasantness, to say nothing of a possible loss of that ever dear but elusive panacea which is happiness in the abstract and shek- els of gold and silver in the concrete. That they will succeed in bottling the said volcano of the far east, and also in keeping it well and securely bottled, is not only a consummation, as Hamlet hath it, devoutly to be wished, but, in the lively and somewhat breezy language of the day, « good betting proposition. SURSCRIPTIONS—To all fore Eunornan satus-acnnts—Jaternational News Company, Bream's building, Chancery Lane, E.C, London; Brentano's, A The contents of FUDGE are protected by copyright in both the United States and Great Britain, Tnclading the Cuxisratas Juocr. ion, $5.00 year aris ; Saarback's News Exchange, Mains, Germany, Infringement of this conyright will be promptly and bigorously prosecuted. ist inclose a stamsed and self-addressed ertoeione with all manuscripts, otherwise return of the Latter when found unsroaitable cannot be guaranteed, intributions sent to the Art Department should have the sender's full name and address ‘written plainly on each and every separate sketch. The accompanying Joke or press should in ébery instance be written upon its individual picture, and NOT upon a separate slip of paper. Inclosure of stamps to the full amount of postage (s also required, to THE PRETTY kettle of fish, which isa term applicable to each and every Democratic situation, should now be changed, if only for the sake of variety, to a pretty potful of lobsters. The lobster, according to scientific report and expert testimony, is becoming scarcer and scarcer as time flits ‘on its merry way. But it is not so with the Democratic lobster. In fact, it is quite the contrary. When the lobster, which at French genius called the cardinal of the sea, shall have joined the mastodon and the dodo, the Democratic lobster will be on the scene, as lively as a cricket and as numerous as the leaves of Vallombrosa. The lobster has always been, so to speak, the piscene affinity of the Democrat, and the Democrat has always been the political affinity of the lobster. If they could be blended physically and mentally they would constitute a merman that would put the one of fable in the shade. From a psychological point of view the lobster is a reincarnation of the Democrat and the Democrat is a reincarnation of the lobster. This point of view is of course based on the complimentary as- sumption that the Democrat has a soul, and with a deep sense of apology to the aforesaid cardinal of the sea, to whom we never fail to remove the hat of epicurean appreciation. The Democratic lobster-pot is now boiling, and it must be admitted that the worst and least desirable specimens are having their color changed from green to red beneath the jumping lid. It is to be fondly hoped that this lid may be kept firmly and solidly down and in position until the representatives of silver gall and yellow impudence are boiled into pulp. This would be as genuine a blessing to the Demo- cratic party as would be the plugging of other lobsters of the same political persuasion—and there are plenty of them—that their usually too-nimble jaws might experience the novel sensation, if it may be so called, of statu- esque immutability. dda JUST THE MOTTO. Mrs. Hocstein—"' Your old friendt Cohen ohf der clothing beesness is going to shtart in a new line, und his motto vill be, ‘ Efferyt'ing to gain und nod- ding to lose." * Mr. Hocxsrein—"' Ach! | vunder who in der vorld shtarted Aim in der pawn-broking beesness ?"" comicbooks.com