Judge, 1904-03-26 · page 10 of 16
Judge — March 26, 1904 — page 10: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several brief satirical pieces typical of early 20th-century *Judge* magazine: **"Far Ahead of His Time"** mocks those pursuing pointless preparation—Demosthenes practiced rhetoric before Russian was even spoken, just as many waste effort on irrelevant skills. **"Most of Us"** and **"Yes"** present working-class complaints about ancestry obsession: while others boast lineage from the Mayflower or Crusades, ordinary people like "Smith" get nothing. The joke's that "Smithical" (made-up word) ironically claims legendary origins for the most common name. **"Strange, Isn't It?"** is a dark joke: a woman taught cooking "by the book" apparently poisoned her husband. **"Spring Bulletin"** and **"'Sdeath"** are lighter: birds announce winter's end; a clumsy pirate gets mocked for slipping on carpet. **"About Right"** offers cynical relationship advice: keep a man guessing rather than committing. The tone throughout is misogynistic and class-conscious, typical of the era's satirical magazines.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
FAR AHEAD OF HIS TIME, DEMOSTHENES was practicing with peb- bles in his mouth, “How foolish!" said his wife. «* Nobody is speak- ing Russian yet.” Perceiving his wasted efforts, he at once aban- doned his attempt. MOST OF US. "Twas ever thus from child- hood, sour ‘The cup we drain unto the dregs. While others taste the fruits of power We're lucky if we've ham and eggs. YES. WE WERE tracing our ancestry. Filgerson claimed that his people came over in the Mayflower. Murphy recapitulated a long line of Irish kings. Pierson said he had a progenitor in the crusades and that his name was formed by the apt twisting of the names of some of the battles in which the forefather had figured. * But I beat you all,” declared Smith. “Oh, there always have been Smith: “Sure! My family history goes clear back to legendary days. The origin of my family is Smithical.” STRANGE, ISN'T IT? A lady whose name was Miss Rook Was taught at a school how to cook. The poor fellow she wed, I think, now is dead Since Miss Rook learned to cook by the book. SPRING BULLETIN. pe HERE'S a most excited twitter Going on just overhead, For a newsboy robin shouted, “Extra! extra! Winter ‘s dead ! 'SDEATH! HE doughty buccaneer has boarded the private yacht. Now, the private yacht carries no great treas- ure, whereat the doughty buccaneer is wroth. He goes from stem to stern and from hatches to hold in search of plunder, As he rushes into the cabin he is confronted by a pale young girl, whose patrician lips curl with scorn, Taken aback, he essays a courtly bow, such as was practiced by Captain Kidd and others ; but the unfamiliar surface of the heavy carpet proves too much for his feet and he stumbles ungracefully. “Ha, ha!" comes in a high treble from between the patrician lips. “Why do you ‘ha, ha‘ ?" demands the angry buccaneer. “ You claim to be a freebooter, but you are only a carpet slipper.” we laughed. —— And she walked the plank like the lady she was. Edith—« What do the Buddhists mean by + Nirvana Ethel—* One of these patent medicines, I guess.” ABOUT RIGHT. Vivian—"' Jack, do you know any sure way a girl can keep a man’s love?"” Her sroruer—“'Sure! Keep him guessing.” comicbooks.com