Judge — March 19, 1904 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE TRULY GREAT INVENTOR. "ERCIVAL LACK of Hackensack was educated by mail, And now, just look at him, if you please! Adjectives really fail ‘To fully describe his grand success. In wealth he is rolling to-day, Because of the talent developed by him, in the very latest way. For Mr. Lack Kept careful track Of mankind’s needs, they say. B, Percival Lack of Hackensack invented a germless milk And started the dairy where it is made. His wife now dresses in silk. He patented bills that never came duc, and a streetcar that will seat A thousand people (if they get in)—a truly remarkable feat. For Mr. Lack Was a crackerjack That very well couldn't be beat. 8, Percival Lack of Hackensack achieved a triumph of life, And saved the world, by that patent of his, from the world’s indignant wife Inventing a keyhole that shines forth, though the night is black as can be. It's covered with phosphorescent paint that even the blind can see. And the mark it hit— For there goes with it A rubber-covered key! JACK APPLETON. TURNING THE HOSE ON HIM. NO INFORMATION. S, she tried to find out how much money her husband had in the bank.” «And did she learn ?” “No, indeed. They wouldn't let the bank teller.” A CITY IDYL. T'S night. A gnomon on the city's dial— The skyscraper points upward. St of rag. ‘Time come from places where the hours ne‘er drag And revelers wink at the law's espial. ‘The citizen, in glorious self-denial, Along the sidewalk shapes his course zig-zag, Accompanied by a large, luxuriant jag, Unmindful of the coming curtain trial. Above, the splendid silence of the stars, A-glitter on the calm cerulean floor ; Below the city’s fevered pulses leap. DRAWING ACPA eDOxIGAL PARLLERE. And, deciles of the clanging trelley-car, Moratizinc Menarrey—*t How foolish uv dose high-toned folks to be out in de cold hittin’ up a little ball !"" bbl aliattinab oaths Skee ea Parcep Partinoton—'' Yes; but how sensible it would be if us low-toned indiwiduals wuz in out uv de The weary “‘copper” takes a standing cold hittin’ up a big ball! Now, wouldn't it?" BACwERTON—— oo KUGENE GEARY. INVENTIVE GENIUS. SOVES, sir; this is a safety razor that gives you the same sort of a shave as you get at the barber-shop,” claimed the agent. The prospective customer rather pooh-poohed. “But it does,” persisted the agent. “See, here is a thingumajig that squirts lather into your eyes, and here is a small phonographic attachment that delivers an onion-flavored oration while the razor is in use. Can you beat that?” A DIFFERENCE. The painter—* But even if the present generation does not appreciate us we may still hope to leave footprints on the sands of time.” The actor—" There is lit- te such hope for an actor.” A BELLIGERANCE PROVOCATIVE. The painter—“Well, Bit Penoueton (postmaster)—" Hi Hubbard overtook the farm-hand who sloped off with his wife an’ best mare. o i ‘They argered fust, then hed a reg'lar rough-an’-tumble fight.” share tone: e The sands of Hine Hop Breeze": Because the farm-hand wanted ter keep the wife ?"* haven't any railroad ties.” Bit. Penpteton—"* Naw; because he wanted to keep the mare an’ push the wife back onter Hi agin." comicbooks.com