Judge — March 5, 1904 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A VAST DIFFERENCE. Becoar—"' Kind sir, | have an invalid wife and a daughter who has stomach trouble."* Jones—* You're lucky. My wife is strong enough to punch holes in me, and my daughter eats four pounds of canvasback duck at every meal.” ‘THE INEVITABLE DISPUTE, oe 'E HAVE never had a quarrel, have we ?” murmured the bride of a year. “No, dovey; and we never will have one,” answered the fond husband. «It is as easy to go through life without quarreling as it is to have arguments all the time, isn’t it?” cooed the gentle bride. “ Of course,” he said ; * when one understands how to avoid dis- putes.” “You are right, my own. Now, if you had married some woman who had not such a peaceful disposition as mine your life might have been one long series of unhappinesses.” “ Or if you had married a man who lacked the peaceable qualities which are so marked in me doubtless you would have been grievously disappointed long before this.” “Yes; but often we could have quarreled if it were not for my self- control and self-sacrifice and "—— «Pardon me, dear, but I think you are wrong. It has always been I who have over- looked little words and acts which, if noticed, would have precipitated trouble.” * “Oh, how mistaken! Why, all my life it has been the wonder of my family and friends that I could be so mild and gentle." “But I could cite a hundred instances where you have said things that would have aroused wrath in an ordinary man.” “You could do no such thing —it is the other way about. There isn't a day when you don't say or do some- thing that would drive an ordinary woman with a temper into a fit of rage.” «You are not only mistaken, but unjust. Though I should not say it, I have always been noted for my self-control and willingness to permit affronts to go by unno- ticed.” “Pish! You fly off the han- dle at a look or a word, and only by the exercise of great diplomacy can I avoid a scene. Oh, I know you, Henry !” “And I say that isn't so! Many ‘s the time when you are upset over some trivial affair of the house, when you will snap— yes, snap !—at me. And if I didn’t realize the inherent weakness of the feminine nature I should really be harsh with you.” “It's —it's—it's a—it’s no such thing, Henry Gloomper! And you know it! You know it is I who efface myself and "—— “Efface yourself? Ha, ha! ha, ha! (melodramatically). Well, T call that good !" “You are a bru—you are— you are mean, so there! And this is my reward for being patient and enduring and kind and sweet- tempered! I shall not try your patience any longer. Thank heav-vens, I have a ho-ome where I al- ways was appreciated !" But before she had finished packing her trunk they had made it all up, with two more quarrels as to which had originated the first one. . >. Naser. DARK OUTLOOK. SOYVELL.” said the cheery friend, » what’s the outlook for business ?” “Miserable, disheartening!" replied the manufacturer of foodstuffs. “Bless me! can it be? Why, I understood that there never was such a plentiful supply of raw material, that shipping facilities are now at their most excellent stage, that the workmen are perfectly satisfied with wages and conditions, and that the public is demanding more and more of your product.” . “Just so. There isn’t the ghost of an excuse for raising prices.” A COON EDISON. “Rastus—"* Yo" see, Mis’ Jackson, he wuz allus kickin’ mah carts ter pleces: so | remembered mah experience on paddle- wheel steamboats, an’ utilized his kickin'-power ter propel mah equipage in dis mannah.”” comicbooks.com