Judge, 1904-02-20 · page 5 of 16
Judge — February 20, 1904 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several short humorous pieces mocking early 20th-century social conventions: **"A Bad Break"** satirizes wealthy women's society clubs. Mrs. Newlywed tactlessly nominates Mrs. Tenderfeelings for president while insulting her size—a social gaffe revealing the cattiness beneath polite society. **"Diplomacy"** jokes about marital manipulation: a wife interprets her husband's compliment about her dress as a calculated attempt to avoid buying her a new one. **"When Greek Meets Greek"** presents a footpad (street robber) outwitted by his victim, who emotionally manipulates the criminal into signing up for life insurance—the joke being that even criminals can fall for confidence schemes. Other pieces mock models, lost childhood candies, and working-class Irish characters. The cartoons and verses collectively satirize class pretensions, marital dynamics, and urban con-artistry typical of Judge's satirical humor targeting upper and middle-class readers.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
A BAD BREAK. T LAST Mrs. Newlywed rose to her feet at the annual business meeting of the Very-best-society club. “ Nominations for the presidency being in order,” she said, 1 pro pose the name of Mrs. Tenderfeelings. It is the opinion of a majority of us here that she is the only member capable of filling our retiring presi- dent's shoes. Mrs, Tenderfeelings sprang up hastily, her eyes blazing. “You horrid, hateful thing!" she exclaimed, “when you know as well as Ido that she wears three sizes larger than do, and always has ! I won't have your old nomination—so there, now DIPLOMACY. Mrs. Gramercy —" Weren't you pleased when your husband said you looked pretty in that dr Mrs. Park—" No. U'm sure he just said it in the hope that I wouldn't ask him to buy me a new one.” JUDGE'S FAVORITES. LUCILLE EGAN IN“ ERMINE, ou move so gracefully in the soft electric light you land the basket big filled with roses red and white, You are ever rare, to corral the roses due, For your triumpts mean the bright roses were but made for you. WHEN GREEK MEETS GREEK. Se] VAS taken in last night.” says the first footpaad Get pinched 2” asks the second No," is the scornful answer. © Think Idon't know the cops better than that? It was this way: Lheld up a guy and took his leather and ticker away from him, and first: thing knew he was talking about how dangerous my work was and how I ought to pervide for the future, and blow me if he Sig. ;DERINITION; didn’t get me to sign an application for lite insurance and give him all the ry | had collected di he eve sf say, Chitomia: wor'ea*ee him all the money | had collected during t nit “A dollar blowed on a woman. at's right!"" first payment on the policy !” NOT ALWAYS. 660. THE models are not a bad lot,” says the artist “T hardly thought they could be as bad as you paint them,” comments the friend. BALLADE OF A LOST JOY. Til meets of toutay are fine and fair, In every beautiful, gay conceit, Filling box ket and bonbonn In gay shop-windows along the street. “re gorgeous to look at and goud to cat, n my jaded palate pall ; Nougats and chocolates are no treat: Where is th 1 Jackson ball? Well T remember its flavor rare, Just a erons between sour and sweet ; Blissful and lasting beyond compare, Shining and sticky—a mass concrete. Unaffected by cold oF he Glocfully bought at the pe For au all-round dainty it can't be beat— Where is the dear old Jackson ball? Now Lam grown and a millionaire, Fate casts her treasures at my feet. Life holds little for which I care, Though life with luxuries is replete, Fortune at best is but a Gone is my youth beyond rec Life seems hollow and incomplete— Where is the dear old Jackson ball? SYMPATHETIC. —" See, now, wot | got fer takin’ yer advice. : ENVoI, ¢ hull gang ‘ll know Scrappsy blacked me two eyes, got oc Child, T suppose it 7s obsolete, first blood, Boo-hoo! boo-hoo! A BRILLIANT SUGGESTION. Bat it’s worth all your bon-b ny 31 Fergit it, kid. I'll give it out dat yer wuz Pat—* Oi'd wroite to Callahan fer a job if : . ee ans a gruelin in wich yer showed capac- Oi knew his addriss."" T seek it vainly—and T repeat — shment. T'ink uv de glory uv be Mixe—" Phy don't yez wroite to him an‘ Where is the dear old Jackson ball? guy wot's as" game asa pebble"! Tink git his addriss >” CAROLYN wets. comicbooks.com