Judge, 1904-01-30 · page 10 of 16
Judge — January 30, 1904 — page 10: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple satirical sketches lampooning early 20th-century American social conventions: **"Sure"/"Correct"**: Mocks market wives and housekeeping advice columns (the *Ladies' Fireside Helper*), satirizing domestic testing rituals for lard quality. **"Disqualified"**: A reporter is deemed unreliable because he never disclosed what type of revolver was used in a murder story—poking fun at sensationalist journalism's careless accuracy. **"Class in Anatomy"**: A schoolroom joke where a teacher asks students about gum anatomy; a boy answers "pepsin, wintergreen, and blood-orange"—conflating chewing gum flavors with actual anatomy. **"His Fad"/"Swell"**: A man accumulates unpaid bills as a hobby, comparing himself to wealthy socialites who "move in highest circles" yet avoid society column scrutiny. **"Not in Training"**: A football star plays brilliantly but won't run errands for his mother—satirizing misplaced athletic priorities. The overall tone mocks middle-class pretensions, journalistic incompetence, and social absurdities.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
SURE, = DISQUALIFIED. * said the seYOU will never young house- make a reliable wife to the market- ! reporter.” man, “is this good : * Why not, sir.” lard nes g “You never told “Yes, mum.” > the calibre of the re- “But has it been F 2 6 j volver used in that properly tested? 1 ¥ , Ag murder story you read in the kitchen =, SAE f wrote up yesterday.” department of the r Ladies’ Fireside 3 7 Yer . 4 CLASS IN ANAT- Helper that all lard i omy. should be subject- Teacher “Wilke fred, to what are the gums fastened Wilfred —" To the ed "— “it’s all right, lady. We try every pound of it betore we sell it. cacher —* And CORRECT. H N p how many gums have CTIONS speak ; = wer louder than words. : * Ww ‘ilfred—" Three except in modern pu- j he —pepsin, wintergreen ilistic contests. : and blood-orange. HIS FAD, 5 <> CRITICISM. E express some SeRATHER egoti surprise at see- tical, [thin ing the vast stack of “Yes. He claims bills payable on. the = to be wedded to art, desk of our friend. but he seems to have ! ea " SWELL, Some of them date “You say they move in the very highest circles?" back at least five ‘ [should say so! Why, their names never appear in the society columns of the daily papers.” he’s the better half.” years, and many of them have threats of legal proceedings written upon them. ALMOST A WINNER. ** Why don’t you pay these things,” we ask, “and save yourself all ¢4 PID he win a prize in the matrimonial market ?* this annoyance ?” “Well, hardly. [think he got honorable mention.” he explains, “a man hates to give up his fad.” an impression that THE good fish that are in the sea are particular about the bait with Don't you know I am a bill-collector ?” which they are to be caught. Laci . NOT IN TRAINING. Jones—"' That's my boy, Tommy. Best football player in the high school—makes forty-yard runs every game he plays."" Surrn—"* What's he looking so * grouchy * about ?"" Jones—"‘Oh, his mother wants him to run an errand, probably."" rich man, Atlant Mrs. asher hi Mrs. urprised 1 when Vews. Passer red of d Strenu so tired s settin’ av Front- hundred couldn't Yonkers lawyer,