Judge — January 16, 1904 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

At Tae Parken Burepixc, Fourrm Avexce axp Wesrern Apvextisixg Orric UNITED STATES AND CANADA I One copy, one year, or sznumbers- + —— FY, eer PUBLISHED WEEKLY NETRENTH STREET, New YOuK. 28 Marquette Building, Chicago, Ut. TERMS TO RIBERS ADVANCE. ‘One copy, six months, or 26 numbers - One copy, for thirteen weeks Including the Cusisratas Juoce. FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS—To all foreign countries in the postal union, $6.00 a year. EvKOrEAN SALEs-acents—International News Company, Bream's building, Chancery Lane, The contents of FUDGE are protected by copyright in both the United States and Great Britain. C, London ; Brentano's, Avenue det" Opera, Parit ‘Saarbach's News Exchange, Mains, Germany. Infringement of this copyright will be promptly and digoroasly prosecuted. CONTRIBUTORS mast inctose a stamped and self-addressed ertoelope with all manuscripts, otherwise return of the Latter when found unavailable cannot be guaranteed. DRAWINGS and all contribations sent to the Art Department should have the sender's full name and address ‘written plainly on each and every separate sketch. The accompanying joke or descriptive letter-press should in ébery instance be writien upon its indtoidual picture, and NOT upon a separate slip of paper. insure safe and prompt return of material not accepted. T IS RUMORED that in the highest circles of «esthetic culture in Boston carbolic acit is being frowned upon and tabooed in every form as being death pure and simple to all germs of thought, lofty and otherwise. . HE LATEST, and perhaps the most virulent, form of sensational insan- ity known as physical culture would be a sound institution if it were not for the popularly admitted fact that it is conducive to physical destruc- tion. EVEN the carefully and artistically bleached oyster is not as bright as it is heralded and blazoned forth when its coat of commercial whitewash is studied through the searching sanitary spectacles that would run down the festive typhoid germ. At THE PRESENT WRITING the Democratic Egypt seems to be suf- fering from a plague of presidential aspirants, and it can likewise be truthfully said that none of them has in his make-up a particle of that rare quality known as presidential timber. They are all assiduously wooing the corkscrewed beldam that is the figure-head of the party, and singing hard and loud for the nomination, for it seems there must be a Democratic candidate in the race, or procession, as a mere matter of form. The auto- matic speech of Bryan is the speech which is silver, and the silent con- tempt of the antique damsel with the alligator skin and the aforesaid cork- screw curls is the silence which is golden. The resonant bray of Gorman and the strident yawp of Towne have not the rare melodic quality that will ever woo and win, And it may be safely predicted that the scrawny old girl will not find delectation in the warbling of Grover Cleveland as he passion- ately hymns her many charms, nor in the extremely ecstatic rag-time paan of sly old Uncle David, who now shines as one of the finest pieces of bric: brac in the party. In the composite effect of these many voices the artis eee Inclosare of stamps to the full amount of postage ts also required, (0 soul notes the poetry of emotion. Looking from one to the other, the Democratic Bedelia seems puzzled as to which one she would have steal her. And by her indifferent glance it would seem that she wishes them to understand that this is leap-year, and that she will accordingly indulge and enjoy the feminine privilege of choosing for herself. HE DEMOCRATIC DONKEY is an extremely frisky quadruped, but at the present writing he is not so full of his characteristic ginger as usual. His activity, if it may be so classed, is entirely mental; for it cun- not be denied by the seers and augurs that the so-called Jeffersonian quad- ruped is at present buried in the deepest and most anxious kind of reflection from his hoofs to the tips of his ears. He is not what can be called a far- seeing, but he certainly is a far-hearing, beast; and he is now in the eaves- dropper’s attitude, with his highly-sensitive ear glued against the keyhole of the situation, which is one that does not set well on his political stom- ach. He hears from afar a most portentous rumble, which strikes his fancy as not being entirely alien to the prelude of an earthquake. His mental ears are full of the music of the landslides which are not yet entirely currycombed from his hirsute. He is not ignorant of the Republican solid- ity of Ohio. He knows that Massachusetts is not traveling in his direc- tion. He is aware of the fact that lowa is, figuratively speaking, anxiously awaiting an opportunity to dance jigs of triumph all over his anatomy, and that Pennsylvania and many other states are embroidering brick-stuffed silken sofa-pillows for his head. His dream is full of scalps, but they are the Democratic scalps that hang on the Republican wigwam and whistle in the wind, and are, therefore, the scalps that show which way the political wind is blowing. He realizes, and to the full, that the 1904 road will be a hard one to travel for all animals other than the agile, loose-jointed ele- phant that represents the grand old party. THE MORE PROPER WCixD. Lackawanna Srooner—' No, | ain't cold. wid straw. Yer see | am outfitted."” York Centra Pete—'* Say, Spooner, | guess yer mean you're upholstered." I'm wearin’ three sets uv underwear, two sets uv trousers, newspapers in me shoes, an’ me overcoat 's stuffed comicbooks.com