Judge, 1904-01-09 · page 6 of 16
Judge — January 9, 1904 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from the satirical magazine *Judge* contains multiple short humorous pieces mocking Victorian courtship conventions and social absurdities. **Main cartoons:** - **"A Prize Beauty"**: Satirizes how men irrationally pursue fashion and trends (personified as a woman) over genuine relationships. - **"A Spirited Expression"**: A suitor's flowery compliment about intoxicating eyes backfires when the woman interprets "intoxicating" literally, suggesting he drinks—a cutting rejection. - **"Citing a Case"**: Dark humor about a jilted suitor who won't acknowledge his rival even years later. **Lower section**: Includes jokes about theater impresarios removing controversial elements from *Uncle Tom's Cabin* for audiences, vigilante justice, and a child's innocent logic about where milk comes from. The satire targets pretense, materialism, social climbing, and the gap between romantic ideals and reality—typical *Judge* themes mocking Gilded Age society.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
A PRIZE BEAUTY. NOW: merry maid, I prithee say why do T bow to thee? é Why do I feel that subtle charm and humbly bend my knee? I love my wife with all my life, but thou, maid, art not she. I watch thy airy footsteps fall where’er they chance to stray, Through wondrous night with star-lit eyes, or golden, sun-kissed day. I am thy slave, oh, maiden fair! Why is it, canst thou say? “1 know not, foolish man!” she laughed, «« wherefore your idle passion ; Yet all the world runs after me—a dame whose name is Fashion.” A SPIRITED EXPRESSION. +e YOUR eyes,” stammered the wooer, “are intoxicating to me.” The heartless damsel laughed roguishly at this. “For your own good,” she hinted, «I should advise you to sign the pledge.” It took some moments for him to grasp the idea that this was his congé; then, resenting her chaffing, he arose from his knees and observed, “Pardon me, but you interrupted my remark. 1 was about to say that your eyes are intoxicating t cause they have a wry look.” CITING A CASE, Mrs. Henpeck — We never know who our best friends are.” Henpeck—“That’s so, my dear. Now, there’s that fellow you jilted when you married me. He has never spoken to me since.” THEIR GOOD FORTUNE. ‘Tue Lapy—" Why is it that big, healthy men like you are unable to find work ?"” Husky Husert (pleasantly)—“ Well, mum, if yer must know, | might say, confidentially, dat our good luck ‘s all wot saves us."" cows, papa?” WHAT THEY BROKE. “Did the lawyers break old Jones's will?” “No; but they broke everybody else.’” A PUBLIC BENEFACTOR. sees, I took out an * Uncle Tom's Cabin’ company last season and played to packed houses every- where.” “Impossible! With that old chestnut ?” « But I did it just the sam “ How did you work it?” “Gave ‘em a production which guaranteed absolutely no Topsys, Lawyer Markses, or bloodhounds. This season I'm going to elaborate it, leaving out Uncle Tom and little Eva, and filling up with a ballet and some Dutch comedians and one or two popular songs.” TOO LATE. WWELLIAM TELL was quite heroic, But we'd have less cause to grieve Had he only shot the apple From the head of Mother Eve. NO TIME TO WASTE. Vigilante —“The hoss - thief wanted to make a speech before we swung him off.” Friend—" Did you let him 2" Vigilante—* No; told him life was too short.” LOGIC. Teddie—" Pa, where do we get our milk from 2” Father—" From cows, my son.” Teddie —“ And where do cows get their milk from 2” Father —“ Why, Ted- die, where do you get your tears?” Teddie (after a long, thoughtful pause)—“ Do they have to spank comicbooks.com