Judge — 1903 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Hunorean saLes-acents—/ntermationas News Company, Bream's buildin :, Chancery Lane, The contents of FUDGE ave protected by copyright in both the United States and Great Britain. —— SE. meas —_ = Tg SSS S= —= Ar Tue Pangxw BUILDING, FoUNTH AVENUx AND NIXKTERSTH Stuer, New Yous. Wesrnes Apvemnisinc Orrice UNITED STATES AND CANADA IM ADVANC! One copy, one year,orssnumbers- = = st S00 ‘One copy, six months, or aBaumbers se eg Ove copy, for thirteen weeks : FORFIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS—To all foreign countries in the postal union, $5.00 a year. Cy London : Brentano's, Avenue del" Opera, Paris : Saarback's News Exchange, Mains, bermany, ——2 Foc) “ar PUBLISHED W LY $28 Marguctte Building, Chicago, It. TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS: wy a 135, Tocluding the Cumistseas Jvoce. Infringement of this copyright will be oromptly and digoroasty prosecuted. CONTRIBUTORS must inctose a stamsed and self-addressed ertrelope wth all manuscripts, otherivise return of the Latter twhen found unsvailaNe cannot be guaranteed. DRAWINGS and all contributions sent to the Art Department shrild have the sender's fall name and address ‘written plainly on each and every separate shetch. The accompanying Joke o descrintive letter-press should in every instance be waritien upon its indtoidaal picture, and NOT upon a separate slip of pazcr. Inclosure of stamos to the fall amount of postage ts also required, to insure safe and prompt return of matertal not accepted. MAyY a well-meaning man fondly fancies that he is on the waiting when he is actually on the retired list. IF A HISTORY of the aspirations of the average candidate for political honors could be but collected and printed, the volume might be appropri- ately called a pipe-dream book. WHEN the details of the bill-of-sale have been satisfactorily arranged, society becomes fully aware of the fact that the solemnization of the international monkey-marriage is assured. THE SLOWEST possible way of ascending the ever-fascinating ladder of success is discovered, and sometimes very suddenly, by the climber that attempts to go up two steps at a time. I" IS ESTIMATED by the knowing ones that the candidate will prac- tically have a walk-over who receives the Hamlet vote—that is, the votes of all the men who play and think they can play Hamlet at the pres- ent time. oe te 'HEN the political nominee sits in a fit of abstraction, sucking his thumbs with an expression of sphinx-like gravity, the observer may rest assured that he is meandering over the territory, and that he is fondly counting his votes before they are cast. [HIS 1S certainly an age of speed, looked at from any point of view. And it may likewise be truthfully said that the spirit of this age of swiftness is such as to permanently fracture and put on the retired list that ancient saying," The more haste the less speed.” We are full of speed and we are full of haste to the very brim. We do everything at a record- breaking gait. We run for trains, we fly for our meals, and we jump after elevators. We are all hurry and rush. And it is therefore not to be won- dered at that we encourage all sorts of inventions, be they of the devil or not, that will facilitate our efforts to gu ahead like the very wind. There- fore we have express-trains that go so fast that they make any herd of cattle appear to the tourist like a composite beast; and we have all sorts of mephitic buzz-wagons, from which the cobble-stones seem to perform all sorts of kaleidoscopic feats. After a while we may have a flying-ship that will fly, and flying-machines that will enable any man to glide to and from his business in the same way that a flying squirrel moves from tree to tree. We eat without chewing, and therefore may be able some day to get along without teeth. Our foods are predigested, that they may more rapidly undergo the process of assimilation. Our very lives are worn out by the pace at which we are compelled to go, and after a while it may be said of him who has just experienced the separation of the spirit and the shell, not only that he has gone to his last, but also to his first, rest. cee [N THE WORLD OF SPORT everything is pretty lively at the present writing. The bang of the rifle is heard in the woods, and the punt of the pig-skin sets all souls athrill with joy on the gridiron, where the stren- uous and-brawny youth of the country thump and haul one another for fun and glory. The uncouth frou-frou of the buzz-wagon is heard from one end of the country to the other, and the golf-ball cuts airy cameos in the frosty air as it goes zipping merrily along. The season of professional baseball is finished, and the bleacheries, from which the welkin-splitting shouts went up in recognition of brilliant plays on the diamond, are now empty, and the leaves of red and gold whirl along in picturesque eddies where once the patient servitor walked up and down the hills of faces while he intoned the virtues of the crescent-shaped, narrow-gauge sandwich and the soft drink in his finest, artistic manner. But the enthusiastic bleacher- ite of statistical tendencies is at home wrestling with facts and figures and proving to his own satisfaction that, and just how, the local team will gather unto itself the coveted pennant next year. The world of outdoor sport now knows its greatest whirl of activity, and it should be a source of satisfaction to every healthy man and woman that this state of things will continue for some time to come; for when the tennis-racket is relegated to the leafless willow-tree, Jack Frost will be about ready with skates and toboggan, that the merriment may continue at full blast. eres teohe ee A REAL SPORTSMAN. Cwotty—“* D-did | hit anything, guide?” Guiwe No; you fired too quick. If you'd only waited ten seconds my head would have been right in range.”* comicbooks.com