Judge — November 14, 1903 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

At THe Panxxn BUILDING, FouRTH AVENUE AND Wesreen Apvextisin Orrice: Se SL SS PUBLISHED WEEKLY NETRENTH STRKET, New Yous. 828 Marquette Building, Chicage, Mt. TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS UNITED STATES AND CANADA IN ADVANCE. ‘One copy, one year,orsenumbers= = se $5.00 ths, or 6 nambers - = mers?) FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS—To all foreign countries i FOROPRAN sates-acnTs—/nternationat News Company, Bream's building, Orancery Lane, F.C, London aera a a bet Tnclading the Cusestatas Juoce. . he postal union, $5.00 a y Brentana's, Avenue de U Opera, Paris: Saarback's News Exchange, Mainz, Germany. The contents of FUDGE are protected by copyright in both the United States and Great Britain. Infringement of this covyright wll be promptly and bigorousty prosecuted. CONTRIBUTORS must inclose a stamped and self-addressed envelope with all manuscripts, othePtvise return of the Latter when found unsroailable cannot be guaranteed. DRAWINGS and all contributions sent to the Art Department should have the sender's ful name and address ‘written plainly on each and every separate sketch. The accompanying joke or descriotive letler-press shoald in dbery instance be written upon its individual picture, and NOT upon a separate slip of paver. lnclosure of stamps to the full amount of postage is also required, 10 insure safe and promot return of material not accepted. ‘HE POLITICAL GRAFTER is a magician, inasmuch as he can, at will, turn his personal brass into the gold of the realm. I" IS BETTER, in the way of luck, as a rule, to put one’s best business. foot forward than to depend on the left hind-foot of the best of rabbits. 'HE GOLDEN OPPORTUNITIES that slip mysteriously away from . the average man usually do their slipping on the banana-skins of neglect with which he makes a specialty of strewing his path. ALTHOUGH the walking delegate may not enjoy any reputation as a violinist, it cannot be denied that he is a reincarnation of Nero. He is a tyrant who visits his acts of refined torture alike upon the capitalist and the laborer until each lends to the other his comfort and sympathy. The walking delegate is a wrecker who is never at any other time so un- happy‘and discontented as when he can find nothing to destroy. He is a puller-down of everything and a builder-up of nothing industrial. He is to the land what Captain Kidd was to the high seas, as well as to every American city whiat Nero was to Rome. He glories in the havoc and dev- astation that are crowning his efforts and following in the wake of his operations. If there is a monster whose attitude toward society makes him deserving of being oiled and burned at the stake, that monster is the walking delegate. But as an oil-and-fire form of retribution is not according, to law, let us trust that a remedy may be provided which, when meted out to this modern Nero, will put him in the quarry-gang, where he may hear the strident tintinnabulations of the various hammers on the rocks and be unable to order the stripe-clad knights to go out on a strike. [UNCLE SAM has so subtle a knowledge of the art of conducting busi- ness on a large and successful scale that the consensus of opinion among competent critics is that he should be known as a doctor of prosperity. In the game of protection he is a master among masters; and when he plays this game against John Bull’s game of free trade he makes the latter look like the proverbial seven cents that is a rhetorical figure to indicate a general all-round condition of insignificance. Uncle am holds a hand on which he can well afford to stand pat, as it is one that enables him to smile at any and every competitor. John Bull be- gins to realize that it is truly a game that is well worth knowing, and real- izes it so keenly that it is a wonder he does not make an endeavor to step into it himself. It might pay Uncle Sam, some of these days, to organize a business college for the benefit of the crowned heads that are at present floundering about hopelessly on rails and rafts on the tempestuous sea of commerce. He could teach them many valuable lessons in the art of keeping afloat in all sorts of sudden and unexpected storms. He could give them pointers in the science of digesting all sorts of securities, as well as how to wriggle out of the financial quagmires and quicksands in which they are usually found thrashing about, and fill them with many valuable wrinkles which, if followed out, would place them, like him- self, in the possession and enjoyment of a balance of trade in the bank of life that would enable them to eat their daily pie with a relish that puts steel’ into the nerves and roses-into the cheeks. Uncle Sam can point, and with pride, to his bank-account, whose incarnadined rotundity is daily increasing, but not without waking in the breast of every crowned head a feeling of jealousy that is greener and hotter than the pickled pep- per of commerce. BALL- BEARING. Bronco Bitt—'So de guy called Alkall Ike a liar? He must hev hed wheels in his head.”* Gruzzty Dan. Yes: an’ if dey wasn't ‘ oall-bearin’,’ dey are now." comicbooks.com