Judge, 1903-10-24 · page 7 of 16
Judge — October 24, 1903 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three separate satirical pieces typical of early 20th-century American humor: 1. **"The Happy Drum-Major"** — A humorous poem about a self-important drum major leading the Twenty-third Regiment, mocking his pompous vanity and the attention he receives. 2. **"Unsisterly" and "Utterly Worthless"** — Two romantic comedy sketches exploiting a common trope: a man tries to use his "sister" as an intermediary to win over a woman he's attracted to. The humor lies in the woman's justified anger at being manipulated, and a separate joke about racial dialect negotiating a low price for a dog. 3. **"A Boy's English"** — Wordplay mocking how children learn language through food-related puns (cream being "whipped," dumplings being "stingy"). 4. **"Fierce" and "Did Not Work Right"** — Mesmerism jokes and anecdotes about people tolerating annoying conversation because they face worse at home (triplets). The page relies heavily on period-specific social conventions, romantic stereotypes, and casual racial humor that would not be acceptable today.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
THE HAPPY DRUM-MAJOR. HEN I the street along, As stiff as starch, Unto the wild ding-dong Most proudly march, I know the reasoi why The ladies smile And heave a wistful sigh Atall my style. Tam a very great ‘And pompous thing, ‘The while with vim elate I swash and swing ‘The haughty drum-ma-jor, Who is the bird That swells and leaps before The Twenty-third. UNSISTERLY. 46 AND you can only be a sister to me?” sighs the P ! youth. “ cess ereanihiy -_ ee UTTERLY WORTHLESS. ‘That is all,” softly says the fair young thing, who ees Haw wii ga you wait tee a aces" has tried to break it to him gently. Covoren uan—" Does yo' t'ink fo'teen cents would be too much, boss?” . brightening up, Jones—""Yes. Anything would be too much if you want fourteen cents for him.” Flossie Money- “Well, say, sister,” he remarks, “aren't you on pretty good terms wi peck, that gorgeous blond creature ?" “Well, if you are the right kind of a sister you will put in a lot of “We are bosom-friends. But why?” she asks with some curiosity. good words for me with her. I have always been pretty much inter- 3 ested in her, but I need some one to help the affair along.” Here the fair young thing be- gins weeping and accuses him of being a heartless wretch and a base deceiver, and says that she knew all along he did not care the least bit for her. After that it is easy. Without diplomacy man is, to quote the classics, a two-spot. A BOY’S ENGLISH. THE cream is bad, and that is why Perhaps they whip it so. The dumpling must be stingy, for It always takes the dough. The oyster 's out for trouble, too, When it is up to you. It’s on the raw, and also fresh, And often in a stew. The steak you sce is often tough, As if it had done wrong. DID NOT WORK RIGHT. The butter that has rank wins out 1, "With the ald of my mesmeric influence I put the subject Into a hypnotic sleep, causing him to remain upon the The battle for the strong. backs of the chairs— P.M, monn: FIERCE. 4 THERE'S Gabbsey over in the corner with Popsey, telling him all about the smart things little Willie has been saying,” remarks Migglebury. “Yes; and just notice what an interest Popsey is tak- ing in it,” answers Fadoogus. “T don't see how the man can stand it.” : “Oh, he'll get his evens “Why, didn’t you know that Popsey has a set of trip- lets, and they are only begin- ning to talk, and they all three say bright things at once ?” CONSUHNIN’ womern's yes er no Dey’s on'y dis ter say : Aldough she said no yeste’day ‘She mout say yes ter-day. 2, —In this position, as you can plainly see."" comicbooks.com