Judge, 1903-09-19 · page 7 of 16
Judge — September 19, 1903 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several short humorous pieces typical of early 20th-century American satirical journalism: **"The Last Resort"** and **"To the Discard"** are romantic poems about lovers—one pining to leave socialite circles for genuine home life, the other a woman dismissing her suitor's flowery declarations of devotion as meaningless. **"Deduction," "Fatal Mistake,"** and **"A Wise Fellow"** are brief comedic dialogues mocking social pretension: a man misidentifies an agnostic's statements; another ruins his chances with an heiress through poor wordplay about a key; a third wisely avoids guessing a woman's age. **"Good Marksmanship"** jokes about frontier violence—a Dakota native boasts their shooting is so accurate they've had to expand the cemetery three times in eighteen months, treating casual frontier killing as a point of pride. **"Helpful Hint"** and **"Complimentary"** are brief quips about naming a racehorse and a doctor's reputation. The page combines light social satire with period humor reflecting American attitudes about courtship, class, and frontier life.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
‘THE LAST RESORT. 66THE last resort,” writes Marjorie. “Just two weeks more and I shall flee To home and joys which, to my mind, Are rarer than this hollow kind Which fills one with satiety. “I'm hungry, dear old Jack, to see Your face and smile once more. How free Tl feel when I have left behind The last resort Such scribbled sweets she sends tome Might fill some other chap with glee; But I—ob, well, I'm not so blind But that between the lines I find Something which tells me I must be The last resort. MILTON 6 DEDUCTION. Miss Cutting—“ Then you are an agnostic 2” Cholly Smalthed—"\ never said so.” Miss Cutting No; but you said you only be- lieved what you could un- derstand,” FATAL MISTAKE. S6\JHERE I lost out,” explained the man who had expected to win the heiress, «.was when they had a lot of charades and she had a key in her hair, Of course, the answer was *something to adore,’ be- cause she had the key in a lock. Do you see?” “Yes; but where did you lose 2” “Why, I called it a switch-key and guessed that, as well as head- light, and she never spoke to me again.” Te sere et A WISE FELLOW. She asked me to try and guess her age.” id you do it?” Oh, no. We are still friends."* ot GOOD MARKSMANSHIP. Tourist (in Dakota)—'' How's the shooting about here—good ?” Narive—"‘ Good? Why, it's so well-nigh puffict thet we've had ter build three additions to our cemetery in a year ‘n a half.”” TO THE DISCARD, 66° THOUGH I come in hum. ble garments,"* Said the lover with a sigh ; ‘ Though upon my breast no baubles Give their lustre for your eye; ‘Though no coronet bejeweled Keeps my flowing ringlets down ; Though my head's undecorated With the glamour of a crown, “Still, my hopes are ever soar- ing, And I confidently sing ‘That, in your considera Tam every inch a king. Then the maiden looked above him— Looked above and on afar— And with accents filled with meaning She observed, The deuce you are!" HELPFUL HINT. 46[VE got a promising colt,” said the horse- trainer, “that T expect to put on the track next sea- son.” “What do you call him 2?" asked the friend. «Haven't named him yet. Don't know what to call him, “Tl tell you. Call him Billiard Cue.” “Why ?* « Because h be tipped to win. Il always COMPLIMENTARY. The doctor's wife — “George writes that he has named his champion bull- dog after you.” The doctor — That's kind of him. I suppose he finds that the dog looks like me.” The doctor's wife— He says not. but that the animal is a perfect glutton to kill.” comicbooks.com