Judge — September 19, 1903 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Student—“ What = The Social Charm In the pride of hospitality the host says* I sought the best and now always buy Hunter BaltimoreRye For its uniform and refined Quality Purity Flavor which never disappoint. Bartimore RYE Wu awamand SOX BarTimort { It is a need to health, a comfort and charm —and glidsome cheer of good fellowship. oid at all fret-cane catee and by jobber. WA LANAiLAS & 80S, Daltimors Ma ————— * We're glad to welcome you into our Mr. Newman,” said Mrs. yur boarders almost invaria- bly get fa « Yes,” replied the new boarder, who was not, however, new to boarding; * I've noticed the same in most boarding-houses. It's cheaper than meat, isn't it ?"—Phila- delphia Press. ce The following style of typewritten letter is suggested for use when you don't care to say it right out. “ Dear $ir—You will plea$e excu$e thi$, but I am $orry to $ay that the letter $i$ mi$Sing from thi$ typewriter, wherea$ I cannot do better. I wi$h to Say, however, that if you Should happen up $treet Some day $oon, I would con$ider it a Source of great pleaSure if you would Stop in and $ee u$ about a certain $mall matter that Should be Settled, Your Sincere Servant,” etc.— Columbia Dispatch. First farmer— Blessed if I think the agricultural department is any good at all.” Second farmer— What's the trouble ?” First farmer—* Well, | wrote to ‘em to find out how high wheat was goin’ Me to, an’ I couldn't git no satisfaction at all."— Tit-Bits. “You used to sing * Every morn I send you violets, before we were married,” Mrs, Brimkin, with a sigh. Yes,” answered Mr. Brimkin; but my devotion has taken a more practical form. Every month I pay the meat bill.” —Washington Star. Gritty George—“ Yer look pretty well used up, pard.” Timothy Ties—* Yes; 1 went up to see dat lady in de wayside cottage. Some- body told me she was keeping ‘open house.’ Gritty George—" Was de information correct 2” Timothy Ties—« Yes; she was keeping an open dog -house."— Philadelphia Record. kind of treatment would you recom- mend for inebri- ates, professor ?” Professor—«1 wouldn't recom- mend any. The worst possible thing you can do for an inebriate is to treat him." — Buffalo News. “ Mr. Gruff,” said the old physician, “why don't you let your son study medi- cine? Make a doc- tor of him.’ “No, sir! the old man replied prompt- ly. “My motto has always ‘been “Live, and let live,’ and I want him todo the same.” —Philadelphia Press. Helen —" George proposed to me last AGAIN WE SAY evening. He's. my That it does not mat-| idea of what a hero ter what assertions or | should be.” claims are made by| Nellie—« He cer- others, the fact still re- | ‘ainly is sey Dearie mains that a HAND- Franscript. fASes MADE SOUR MASH Whiskey is far superior to any icker “1 une derstand the fellow Miss Manybeaux married was a dark horse.” Bocker—" No; he was a blond don- key."— New York Sun, Blobbs—“\ over- heard Guzzler shoot- ing off his mouth at you last night.” Rl Slobbs—" Yes, 1 didn't’ know he was loaded."— Philadelphia Ree- H. B. Kirk & Co. Sole Bottlers, N.Y. | 07. with any of them. bas never been equalled SS LLLRLN Y WHAT HE'D HAVE. Crmmmy—" How much fer dat diamond ring in dere—de big one?” JeweLtk—"' Four hundred dollars."" Crimmy—" Say, Mag, would yer sooner hev dat er a plate uv ice-cream?" “HERE'S TO A QUICK RUN.” It’s a wise steward that fills his lockers with a goodly supply of Dewar’s Scotch ‘Che Whisky of Distiction’”) ‘The number of empty Dewar’s Scotch Whisky bottles washed up on the beaches show thatthe average yachtsman knows a good thing and uses it, A YACHTING POSTER “ Here’s to quick ° righ by Frederick Glassup) is so origial FREDERICK GLASSUP ‘Sole Agent for John Dewar & Sons, Lid. 126 Bleecker Street, - New York The Oldsmobile is always “‘on time.” Ite pertect engine (the beart and brains of the machine responds to every Gemand Twenty three years In gasolloe engine construction Elves us the experience essential to success. ‘The smooth, easy running motor supplies a steady, untalling power varied at will by the speeder or spark lever $0 thatappolatinents may be kept with certainty. Each part ofthe Oidsmodile C entire ‘watcd but the Price $650.00 4h any oon Sling Agencan to uhow you ow the "Write for Wentrated catalogue to Dept. 12 Philosopher—" Are you going to pub lish an essay I left with you ?” Editor—" Not as prose. I've read it and I can't see that it means anything. . I think if you'll let me cut it up into line lengths it would run first-rate as a series of heretofore unpublished sonnets. oy Browning."—Boston Transcript. Dentist—“1 think I'll have to remove the nerve.” Patient—" Don't do that, doctor. an insurance agent."—Comjort, I'm “Twas just to kill time that he wrote try, he said; Which fills us with sarprise to note That time is not yet dead. —Philadelphia Ledger, Mrs, Newliwed—“ 1 made a big batch of these biscui 2 Newliwed—" You did, indeed, Mrs, Newliwed— How do you’ know how big a batch I made ?” Mr. Newliwed—“ Oh, 1 thought you tch'." Philadelphia Ledger. “Don’t pull yer gun in this here court,” said the Billville justice. You've got to respect the dignity which you see lyin’ loose ‘round here. If you want to kill a man whilst court's in session, I'll find you for contempt."—Atlanta Constitution. Captain (of visiting ball team)—* The grounds are too wet for a game to-day, I guess.” Local manager— When it's as near the end of the season as this, cap'n, the grounds are never too wet for a gaine. See ?"—Chicago Tribune, —_— @ comicbooks.com