Judge, 1903-07-18 · page 7 of 16
Judge — July 18, 1903 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several unrelated satirical pieces typical of early 20th-century humor magazines: **"Dreams"** is a sentimental poem about ambition and love that ends with domestic deflation—the romantic reverie shatters when the beloved merely calls him to breakfast. **"The Modern Form"** jokes about a two-headed garter snake in a museum exhibit. A young woman's innocent suggestion that it be called a "hose-supporter snake" causes her to blush intensely—the humor relies on the double meaning of "supporter" (undergarment reference), considered risqué for the era. **"Heard at Newport"** satirizes wealthy Newport society, where a woman asks how another arrived; the answer mocks the nouveaux riches by suggesting even "special providence" couldn't match arriving by automobile—then implying this is actually how she came, suggesting ostentatious wealth. The remaining items are brief humorous dialogues about deaf fathers enjoying vaudeville, a doctor's frank admission of familiarity with catarh, and an employer promoting rather than firing an employee to prove he's hardworking.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
DREAMS. JAD ambition in me burning, Long had tortured me in vain As I plodded toward the turning Of a very weary lane. But when life was far from sunny Full there flashed a golden gleam— T became possessed of money, And I thought it was a dream. Though 1 am serenely callous Ordinary things unto, Still 1 would prefer a palace Toa cabin—wouldn’t you? Now, to gratify my wishes, Now fulfill my every scheme— Yes, but that was too delicious, And I felt it was a dream, Love had caught me in his meshes, Happiest of prisoners ; Gold was good and doubly precious As prophetically hers, ‘This were happiness ideal, Incontestable, supreme, And though certain to be real— Still I thought it was a dream, Soon I found myself relating How I loved in phrase sublime. When I ceased she kept me Some considerable tim Then-at length she spol Answer vague in the extreme, “Eight o'clock, sir! Breakfast 's ready !" Then T knew it was a dream, EUGENE GEARY. with ready THE MODERN FORM. Se THIS abnormal specimen,” says the professor of reptology, pointing to the glass jar containing the exhibit, «is what we call, for want of a better name, the two-headed garter-snake.” “Why not call it the hose-supporter snake ?” asks a demure damsel in the front row, who immediately subsides into intense blushes. HEARD AT NEWPORT. Miss Curtiwc—" How did you come—by Boston special ?"" Mr. OLosor—" No; by special providence. eS dds Pld ce Boel Ga I came in an automobile.” A STRENUOUS FELLOW. CONDITIONAL. “Moike, will yez love me always wid all yure heart?” ** Shure, unless Oi hov heart-failure."* HAPPY MAN, ‘4 PAPA greatly enjoys going to the vaudeville shows I the gentle damsel. «He does ?" asked the young man, * Does he like to see the acrobatic turns or the danc- No; I think he likes the popular songs “But I thought he was so deaf he couldn't hear a word.” “He is. That's why he enjoys them.” A FRANK CONFESSION. Doctor—*Do 1 think I can cure your ca- tarrh? Why, I'm sure of it.” Patient—“ So you're very familiar with the diseas Doctor—"| should say so! self all my life.” I've had it my- Jumior partuer—'* Young Jones has overstayed his vacation five days. Shall we fire him?" Sesion Paxrner—" No; promote him. That shows he ain't afraid of hard work.” comicbooks.com