Judge, 1903-07-18 · page 5 of 16
Judge — July 18, 1903 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple satirical pieces targeting wealth and social pretension: **"He Had to Radiate Money"**: A wealthy man named Muchmonn, staying at an expensive hotel, misses a scientific lecture about radium. His wife explains that radium constantly gives off parts of itself while never diminishing—to which he quips this describes *his pocket-book*, suggesting his money disappears constantly through wasteful spending and gambling (referenced earlier when he was in the "jack-pots" room). **"An Affair of Letters"**: Satirizes social climbing. A simple farm girl named Polly from Bowersville marries an English lord and now demands to be called "Lady Oledebts." The humor lies in her pretension and the implication that her father's American dollars are being squandered "refurbishing" the lordly castle—mocking both American wealth's superficiality and British nobility's financial desperation. The other brief items are wordplay jokes typical of the era's humor magazines. The satire targets: nouveau-riche excess, transatlantic social aspiration, and the ease with which American money enabled social advancement abroad.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
HE HAD TO RADIATE MONEY. R. MUCHMONN, his wife and three daughters were staying at the Mostex- Pensive hotel, in the Adirondacks. As a means of entertaining the guests, the manager of the hotel engaged a lecturer who gave a demonstration of the latest researches in scientific fields. After one of his lectures mamma and the girls were telling papa all about it. He had not been able to attend, owing to an imperative demand for his presence and advice and assistance in opening a series of jack-pots in a little room on the third floor. “It was just lovely, papa !" said the youngest daughter. “So educational, too,” averred the second daughter. “And so helpful to the mind,” chimed in the eldest daughter, “It certainly was of benefit to all present,” said mamma, “What di¢ he tell about 2” asked papa, who was not in ‘Working hand-in-hand, | suppose?” a happy mood, having on different occasions overestimated But Brrrers—" Thet's it—handin’ hands."" the possibilities of the draw; also underestimated his oppo- nents’ hands. “ What is radium—some new dress-goods or a breakfast-food ?” “ About radium,” explained mamma. . “No; it's a new substance which constantly gives off parts of itself and still never diminishes in size or quantity.” “Huh! That fellow must have been trying to tell you women what your idea of my pocket-book is.” AT THE TOUCANNERY. FELLOW who slaughtered two toucans Said, “I shall put them into two cans." Two canners who heard Said, “ You'll be a bird SN If you can put two toucans in two cans."* AN AFFAIR OF LETTERS, WE ARE much surprised at meeting little Polly Contossel, formerly of Bowersville, in England. “Why, Polly !" we say, “how is it we find you here ?" “ Polly 2” she repeats with a dignity we never knew she possessed. « Lady Oledebts, if you please.” An apology on our part establishes friendly relations once more, and she tells us that she really has won and wed- ded Lord Oledebts, and that her father’s dollars POOR THING! are being expend- Wi ey anwshing shoo? ne? ed in the refurbish- ‘See how the artist drew her tail— ing of the Oledebts What can the poor cow do? castle. “ But,” we say, “it was rumored in Bow- ersville that you were hesitating in your choice between three honest farmer lads in the vicin- ity. How was it, then, that you mar- ried his lordship?" “Oh,” she titters, he came to Bowersville one day. When I saw him I dropped my eyes and he began drop- ping his h’s, and it wasn’t long until he induced me to drop my j's, and now we are both making papa drop his v's and x's, ‘6 PJON'T do that, your majesty, urged Nero's advisers as he’ seized a torch and was about to start} on his incendiary tour of the city. “T've got to,” he growled. « But think of the future,” they begged. “1 do. How are they ever go- ing to have a spectacular third act in = y istorical dramas based . NEAR-SIGHTED. a s ibe ree ne han ‘he Frien>—'' So the editor called you a literary hack?" “Gracious! | will have to get stronger ees Port—""Yes; but I got even. ‘I-called him a literary fire glasses. 1 can't see to read any more.” proper material ? engine.” comicbooks.com