Judge, 1903-07-11 · page 3 of 16
Judge — July 11, 1903 — page 3: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several satirical pieces targeting business and social issues of the era: **"The Situation"** mocks an air-ship promoter trying to convince skeptical stockholders to invest. The satire targets speculative business schemes promising fantastic returns (strawberry patches on floating islands) while offering no real guarantees—a common critique of early 20th-century stock promotions. **"Old and New"** presents a brief poem contrasting old-fashioned courage with modern mechanical reliance, reflecting period anxieties about industrialization. **"The Up and the Down of It"** satirizes an elevator operator's misunderstanding—a woman asks for the "seventh floor" but he thinks she said "seventh story," leading to a humorous mix-up about narrative versus building levels. **"In the Future"** appears to show a ship captain scene, likely satirizing aviation or exploration predictions. The overall tone critiques business fraud, technological anxiety, and class-based miscommunication.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
IN THE FUTURE. “Are we near the earth, captain ?"" “Oh, no; we have only reached the roof of the rolling-pin building.”* ‘THE SITUATION. eT ELL us,” insists the committee of disgruntled stockholders, “the exact situation in the af? fairs of the company into which you have induced us to put our money.” “Well, gentlemen,” responds the able promoter who has succeeded in capitalizing a possible air- ship, “I'll tell you. If the air-ship goes up the stock will go up; if it doesn’t the company goes up. You have paid your money, and there isn’t any choice. Good-day. I am very busy, as I am working on the prospectus of a plan to supply fresh strawberries to ocean-going steamers by establishing strawberry patches on floating islands at convenient distances.” “T'll bet a dollar,” grumbles one of the commit- teemen as they leave; “I'll bet a dollar he'll float that strawberry company before he floats the isl- ands.” But he got no takers. OLD AND NEW. ‘THEY used to turn the gas down low, So they could not be seen ; But courtship in these modern days Is more like this, I ween: An auto in a country road, A broken-down machine, A pair of occupants who then Turn down the gasoline. MCLANDHUKEH WiLsox THE UP AND THE DOWN OF IT. SHE was a tall, thin, eager-faced woman, and she boarded an up-bound elevator in great haste at the second floor of a big department-store. She held, a bundle of dress-samples in her hand, at which she gazed abstractedly, Up went the elevator—third floor, fourth floor, fifth floor, were reached and passed. When the elevator man called “seventh floor the lady raised her eyes and asked, «Is this the first story ?" “Ttis the seventh, madam,” replied the man, “Dear me!” glaring at him indignantly, «1 thought I was going down—and I am in such a hurry! Now I shall miss my train.” JUST HIS LUCK. WHAT WOULD BE NEEDED. “Papa says you couldn't support style." me in “No; he would have to make allowances for that."" Broxco Bitt—" So old Dan Donelly was hugged to death by a female grizzly bear? Waz-al, that was certainly hara."” Hurricane Jack—" Ya-as. Ef thar was anything Dan hated it was to be slobbered over an’ caressed by a femal ee comicbooks.com