Judge, 1903-07-04 · page 6 of 16
Judge — July 4, 1903 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This Judge magazine page contains three separate satirical pieces: **"Too Great a Shock"** (top): A humorous story about a hotel guest shocked by an unexpectedly low bill ($3.50 for three weeks), finding the reasonable pricing so surprising he faints. The joke mocks the guest's assumption that hotels always overcharge. **"The Cheerful View"** (middle): Two rustic characters discuss Fourth of July municipal spending. One cynically notes taxpayer waste; the other darkly quips that past fireworks mishaps killed people—implying accidental deaths might represent "good value." This satirizes small-town corruption and political indifference. **"The Significance"** (bottom): A graduating class receives platitudes about maintaining "high ideals," with a deadpan editorial note suggesting the professor assumes his female students are too unattractive to marry—therefore he needn't worry about their futures. This satirizes patronizing attitudes toward women's education and beauty standards of the era. Each piece uses irony and dark humor to critique social hypocrisy and foolishness.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
TOO GREAT A SHOCK. THE guest at the fash- jonable mountain hotel asked for his bill. Let me see,” said the clerk. * You have been here three weeks, have you not ?” “Yes, sir,” said the guest, wondering if they would insist on keeping his trunks as security. “ Ah, here it is," murmured the clerk. “Three weeks at two dollars a week. That will be six dollars. And then you missed ten meals and were away one night, for which we will allow a reduc- tion of two-fifty, making the balance due us three-fifty.” With a gurgling groan the guest toppled over and fell heavily upon the office floor. The bump woke him up, as if it had been the bang of a giant fire-cracker. 7 Yj “BRAIN -WORKER, is he?" THE CHEERFUL VIEW. “Oh, no. He Joet Grump—' Well, | see our boodlin’ common council 's gone an’ voted two hundred dol- ; a toe lars fer the fourth of July doin's— another sheer waste 0’ good money.” writes words for popu- Hiram Ponp—'' Mebbe itll turn out a lucky investment, Joel, like three years ago, when the lar songs.” cannon busted an’ killed four on ‘em."" ni“ THE SIGNIFICANCE. A GOOD COGNOMEN. piate Wilfred was five years old. On the fourth of July his mamma had permitted him to go out in the * yard and explode the torpedoes which his good papa had brought home for him the night before. But the little fel. lows’ strength was not enough to send the mis- siles against the pave- ment with sufficient forcetocausethem toex- plode. So, aftera num- ber of unsatisfactory at- tempts, the youngster walked into the house disappointedly, saying, “Mamma, _ these are not torpedoes ; they are torpedoesn'ts.” ENVY. “ ALAS!" moaned the plain, orgarden poet. “I put my most soulful thoughts on paper, but my messages fall before the eyes of the unthink- ingcanaille. Theylaugh at everything I write.” “ Alas!" moaned the humorous poet, "1 wish I had your luck !" Proressox (to graduating class of giris)—" And now, young ladies, | feel sure you will all retain your high ideals through life!" Evr—" Heavens, girls! He must think we are all too homely to get married. comicbooks.com