Judge — June 27, 1903 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

1am the old sea-serpent, The biggest of the sea, ‘And | cavort And frisk and sport, And skip the trolley-lee. IN YE VERIE GOODE OLDE DAYES, (Being some sorte of a fryvolous rhapsody- calle piece tellynge trulie howe easie it was toe live in ye joyous dayes of olde, from ye penne & inkewelle of Bylle Nes- byte, ye scrybe.) NOWE ye goode knyghte Al- leyne met ye fayre mayde Ymogene on ye swarde before ye summer hotelle and spake her fayre, sayinge, “Good-morrowe, lass, It bodeth goode toe see soe fayre a syghte thys earlie in ye daye.” & ye maydenne, who was in truth fayre toe see, blushed redlie and asked hym how he felt. “Full vigorous, sweete mayde,” answered the goode knyghte Alleyne. « Feelest thou as if ye gentle game of golf wolde be pleasaunt thys morne2” she asked hym. SIGNING THE CONTRACT. ‘That's why I sign the contract To ride the rolling swell And whirl and whizz ‘And make the biz Unmortgage the hotel. HOW TO ALWAYS CATCH BIG ONES. Deacon Pixe—'*Gosh! these quadruple magnifyin’ specs Is great. 1 ynge at soche an earlie date as know thet I'm only ketchin’ minners, but it's a heap o’ satisfaction to seem “Golf?” he made reply. tobe gittin’ whales.” « There is noe soche game as yet.” “Thenne, mayhap, you wolde playe at tennys.” “Tennys? Ye game hath not yette been invented.” « How sillie of me!" exclaymed ye mayde. « Perchaunce, though, thou woldest swyng in ye hammocke.” FROM SUMMIT, NEW JERSEY. Aunt SamantHa Hackensacn—" Yew kin jest bet Ill fool them Flatiron rubber-necks on « Hammocke? In soothe, damselle, thou seemest dotty in ye heade. Ham- mockes are yet toe be made.” “ My mother sayde but thys morne that I was surelie daffie,” sayde ye mayd- enne wyth a cunnyng gyggle. “Thy mother is a goode guesser,” avowed ye goode knyghte. “ Hast met my mother 2” “Noe,” he made reply. «I sholde be glad. Where is she ?” “Me thinketh she goeth to ye wo- man’s clubbe thys daye.” “Woman's clubbe ? Surelie thou art bugge-house. Woman's clubbes wylle notte come arounde for some centuryes.” “Howe funnye!" snyckered ye mayde. * “ Funnye nowe, butte far from fun- nye then,” growled ye goode knyghte. “Ah, welle,” syghed ye damselle, “Tam awearie of thys place. I fayne wolde rather be in ye towne.” « For why 2” asked ye knyghte. * Oh, for manie reasonnes. Ye yce- creame parlor wolde be fyne, and ye soda-water fountayne wolde be a gladde- 1am the old sea-serpent, And now Lam on tap. Ha, hal He, he! Hurrah for me And my sweet summer snap! “Aboute ye next thyng,” cryed ye knyghte, “wylle be a strayghte-jackette for one, and you wyll be ye one. Yce-creame and soda-fountaynes do notte gette in ye game for manie a daye yet.” “How cute!" gurgled ye damselle. “Yea, and how excellente!” sayde ye knyghte. “Trulie,” mused ye fayre mayde, “ thys thynge of lyving in ye goode olde tymes is notte what it is crackedde uppe toe be.” “Oh, I don’t knowe,” re- marked ye knyghte. “ Looke whatte a fellowe escapeth !” From thys we learne that ye goode olde tymes hadde theyre advantages, but that they hadde ye greate disadvantage of happen- toe be unhandis. ALL IN THE BREED. “What makes him so stuck up? He's a most ordinary kind of a dog."* ps ‘One of his ancestors came over on the May- this here New Yorruk trip!" some syghte.’ flower." comicbooks.com