Judge, 1903-05-16 · page 7 of 16
Judge — May 16, 1903 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple satirical pieces typical of early 20th-century humor: **"Farmer Brown's Scheme"** mocks agricultural modernization through a farmer proudly bringing his paint-pot to town, suggesting rural folks' confusion about progress. **"To a Rejected Couplet"** satirizes magazine rejection slips—editors claim "no room" while their own scribbled excuses take up space, mocking editorial hypocrisy. **"In the Dim Future"** imagines 1999 with unchanged gender dynamics: husbands still unappreciative at breakfast despite wives' domestic efforts, critiquing the stagnation of marital relations. **"Its Status"** ridicules corporate stock-inflation schemes, where promoters can't convince investors despite elaborate talk about doubling capital. **"An Epitaph"** is a dark joke about appendicitis removal. **"In the Kindergarten"** delivers a crude marriage joke through a child's innocent answer about what follows the letter 'L.' The overall tone reflects Judge's satirical commentary on contemporary marriage, rural life, business schemes, and publishing conventions.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
FARMER BROWN’S SCHEME. TO A REJECTED COUPLET. T SEEMS absurd when you come back— You are so small, you know. A half an inch is all the space You'd occupy, I trow, Upon the bottom of a page In some nice magazine. Yes, ‘tis absurd when you come back— Oh, quite absurd, I ween! But funnier still to read the slip That comes with you. I smile. ‘They find no fault with you at all, Nor with my labored style ; ‘They merely write a poor excuse (They read you not, I wis). How could they when they've scribbled here, ** We have no room for this?” CHARLES HANSON TOWNE. “6 PAPA, what is indigence ?” 1. Farwer Brown —" By hick! it's derned lucky I “ Indigence, my son, is opulence brought my paint-pot to taown with me. I'll jest — turned wrong-side out. THE DIFFERENCE, IN THE DIM FUTURE. THe TaRPON —* | wouldn't let anybody walk [7S the year 1999. The e over me."" —husbands have not surface." changed —sits at the ays e ITS STATUS. Dresiiast tables Hie : Bes OW are you getting along with your sch helpful young wife— y ee are. you getting along with your. scheme waves have changed— to increase the capital of your corporation vosmesiin famine LAL s from one hundred thousand to ten million dol- Se cinie « sluieiee Yi; , lars?" asks the first promoter. sa bighisvlt BScUAS OF Re | aa “Well,” explains the second, “I hardly know her own making. ‘The Be SUA \ where we stand. We have done all the talking fond young husband bites SIZ at a | we can, but seem unable to convince all the stock- y: x ZLIN> holders that the inflation is desirable.” jens bie’ nee ee 5 A nN Ah!" comments the first promoter. “ [take critical study, ‘Nervous. s it that he sere has been hit between wind and ly she awaits the verdict. Waterseh? “They are my first effort,” she murmurs. “ How do you like them ?" Then is corroborated all that scientists have written concerning the eternal influences of he- redity. « Fairly good,” concedes the fond young hus- band ; “fairly good. But they are not so good as my father used to say his father said he had heard his father claim that his father’s grand- mother used to make.” 2, —tech this sign up a little, An’ now—— AN EPITAPH. HERE: fice from surgeons, rests the form Of Ebenezer Moses Bendix. He's gone to the eternal realms _ To ‘oin his vermiform appendix. 3, —-yeou giddap, Suspenders! We got ter git hum afore ther rush o° victims git thar.”* IN THE KINDERGARTEN. Teacher—* What comes after ‘t," Ruth?” Rutn—" The fellow what's going to marry my sister Jane." comicbooks.com