Judge, 1903-05-16 · page 10 of 16
Judge — May 16, 1903 — page 10: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several satirical pieces typical of early 20th-century American humor: **"The Street"** and **"Its Drawback"** are light social commentary—one mocking the constant disruption of street repairs, the other a pun on elevator operators going up and down. **"A Winner"** satirizes academia: senior class essays on trivial topics (Italy's proximity to Alps, Rome's construction time) are absurdly pretentious, while a practical essay on bread-making immediately attracts marriage proposals from five young men, mocking both academic vanity and men's superficial priorities. **"A Real Regret"** jokes about editorial rejection of poems as policy rather than merit. **"When Women Throw"** depicts women's baseball players as so incompetent at throwing that men cannot predict where the ball will go—playing on contemporary stereotypes about female athletic ability. The remaining pieces are brief jokes about rural characters and courtship dynamics, reflecting period humor conventions about class and gender.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
THE STREET. THE street it has a sorry time ‘That runs through our town— Somebody digs the asphalt up As soon as it is down. ‘They come with hammers, gravel, tar, Steam-rollers, gangs of men ; They build the street secure and firm— ‘Then dig it up again. They never ask the street if they May take such liberties ; ‘They trample on its feelings, and They do just as they please. I wonder, if the street could talk, How it would phrase its views? I guess we would not dare to print The language it would use. JOHN 8. KENDALL. ITS DRAWBACK, 66] SHOULD think that the position of elevator-man would be a rising profession,” said Gummey. “It would be if the man didn't come down precisely as much as he went up,” explained Glanders. A WINNER. THE members of the senior class are telling each other the subjects of their graduation essays. One will dilate upon the proximity of Italy to the Alps, another will divulge some information regarding the length of time required to con- struct Rome, and so on, subject would be.” At last a demure young woman says, “ My essay will be ‘ How to make good bread.'” Five young men immediately step forward and propose in chorus, “T hope I do not hurt your feelings by declining,” she says, blush- ing; “but the teacher proposed to me as soon as I told him what my A REAL REGRET. Eprror—"I am obliged to decline your poem with thanks. I am very sorry, "—— but Poet—"' But what?” Eprror—"" The management Insist upon my declining all poems that way, you know."* were lobsters. wie PLAY Bese Ray CHALLENGE, y | - WHEN WOMEN THROW. “Wrot! yer don't mean ter say yer let de girls’ baseball nine beat yer?" “How kud we help it? Not a man on de team kud tell where dey wuz goin’ ter t'row de ball.”* HE, naglets are left at the post ; Goliath found out he was wrong ; The race is not e'er for the swift, The knockout is not for the strong. Oh, don't give a dog a bad name Unless you are sure he won't bite; And don’t bit a man when he's down Unless you are sure he can't fight. And if you are out of a job Oh, don't stand around and ‘boo-hoo, But go to the devil, who e’er Finds plenty for idlers to do. NO EFFORT. Miss Summerfield—“Why do you try to live in such a lonely place all the time 2” Ike Cauliflower— Don't hev ter try, miss; jes’ keep right on livin’ THE ANGLER’S AS- SISTANT. HE Cumleigh sisters. sit, sur- rounded by a number of admiring youths. Miss Vera Cumleigh asks, “Do you not think my sister has a charming complexion this evening 2” “ Now, Vera,” chides the sister, “ please do not ask such leading questions. You know I deprecate such a thing as fishing for compliments. “Oh, I know you never fish for compliments, “especially when Iam with you to cut bait.” And when the rude young men laughed uproariously at this sally the sister rose and left, telling them in a lady-like manner that they ays Miss Vera, comicbooks.com