Judge — May 9, 1903 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

‘WORTH TRYING. HE ambitious li- brettist rubs his brow in deep thought. “1 do wish,” he muses, “that I could think up some abso- lute novelty for my next comic opera.” “A valuable plan,” we comment. “I want some- thing that none of the rest have ; something that the public is not looking for; some- thing that will take the audience com- pletely by surprise.” Herea little man whom we have often seen in the back seats of the theatre speaks up,‘ Why don’t you JUDGE'S FAVORITES DIAMOND DONNER. From the rising of the curtain to the falling of the same We are on the crest of pleasure’s pearly wavelet all aglow. It ts then we know the reason of the wideness of your fame, For you are the very howling, wild success of all the show. From New Bedford to New Haven and Schenectady and back; From Cohoes to Passadumkeg, by the way of Buffalo, And along to Tallahassee, thence to Quogue and Hack- ensack, ‘Tis your name that has a magic that ts magic, don’t you know. Then it’s three cheers and a tiger for you, frisky little queen! While you musically caper, and the bald-heads in a row Feel their youth they are renewing while they:gaze upon the scene, And you set their hair a-curling while their fancies overflow. . MODERN EDUCATION. SOYVHERES your boy going after he leaves the model school ?' “To some school that ain't model, I guess, to learn reading, writing and figures.” Rioresor Burrs Purenovocist—" This man has the bump of ‘fore a Jones—"Not much! If I could | wouldn't have put in a joke?” RAPID ADVANCE- HE hitherto untu- tored heathen is speaking energetical- ly to the missionary. It is apparent that the heathen is much ex- ercised. “Calm yourself, my good friend,” pleads the missionary. “You are entirely mistaken in thinking that your friends in A MATTER OF ECONOMY. my country are not Mrs. NewLyweo—" You don't press me to your bosom as often as you treating you right, 54” i g ‘Mr. NewLyweo—"'No: I can't afford to mash the cigars in my vest- Why, with the last pocket as often as | used." ship-load of supplies they not only sent a plentiful supply of clothing, but they were mindful of your intellectual progress and included a quantity of fashion magazines.” “That's it!" stormed the heathen. “ According to those fashion magazines the clothes they send are away behind the times. What's the use of being reformed if you can't be up to date?” THE WORLD'S COLD WAVE. Mr. Quiller (the lawyer)—" By the way, I wonder what ever became of little ‘Scrappy’ McGinnis, who used to play *hookey ‘to play baseball when we were back in the little stone school-house ? I'll bet he came to no good end.” Dr. Poorpreach (gloom- ily)—" He's now getting ten thousand dollars a summer as a baseball pitcher.” COULDN'T STAND IT. First bookworm—*\ hear your brother died of indiges- tion 2” Second bookworm— Yes, poor fellow! He ate one of the six best-selling books of the week.” VARIED EXPERIENCE. SO\JHAT experience have WwW you had as a cook?" asked Mrs. Dinsmore of the applicant for the situation. “Twinty places in three mont's, mum,” replied Bridget got married. My wife raised that bump with a broom-stick.” proudly. THE BUMP. sight’ very large. He can look far ahead and see what Is going to comicbooks.com