Judge, 1903-04-25 · page 4 of 16
Judge — April 25, 1903 — page 4: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains humor pieces and verse rather than political cartoons. "A Tale of the Sea" depicts a shipwreck dialogue where Mr. Button, a man with a "bronzed face," recounts how a woman sank with the ship. The satire questions his credibility—when asked where he was during the disaster, he claims the captain's cabin, prompting skepticism about how he survived if the ship went down with all aboard. "Acquired the Squint" mocks small-town life through an optician's observation about optical problems being common in a particular village, with a humorous punchline about it being a "prohibition town." The remaining sections contain light comic verses and brief humorous anecdotes about everyday situations, typical of Judge's general-interest humor content.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
A TALE OF THE SEA. HE man with the bronzed face and the rolling gait was entertaining an attentive circle of acquaint. ances when Mr. Button edged up just in time to catch the words, “And so the ship went down, with all of uson board.” “She went down?” asked Mr, Button ex- citedly. “Yes, sir,” smiled the bronzed-faced man. “She sank slowly but surely, and scarcely a rip- ple was left to mark the spot where she had sunk.” But where were you?” JUDGE'S FAVORITES. CARROLL MCCOMAS IN “THE PRINCE OF PILSEN. You are a spring spirit that squelches the blues And dazzles one’s fancy with various hues That gleam with a glamour that causes aright ‘The seer to dream in an Arabian night. Oh, long may you caper and long may you sing. And from this great city oh, ne‘er may you wing! And may we e’er have, while you whirl all aglow, ‘The scads for the tickets to get to the show. “Inthe cap- tain’s cabin.” “And couldn't you get out?” again questioned Mr. Button, “Why, no. I never thought of getting out Oh, I suppose it was all so unexpected ? “No. We knew she would go down.” “ And how did you escape ?” “1 didn't have to & “How's that?" Mr. Button inquired. “If the ship sank with all on hoard, and there was no chance for you to esc: was the cool answer. e, how do you to believe your story when we see you sitting here alive and well “It was a submarine boat,” explained the man with the bronzed face. pect us. ACQUIRED THE SQUINT. SeTHIS ought to be a good town for me, has cropped into the village drug-store. where I saw so many people who had optical affections. every man that has come in here has had a most pronounced squint.” “ Huh !" chuckles the druggist. « This is a prohibition town, mister.” ays the visiting optician, who “never was in a place Why, almost SAME RESULTS. Who Is that chap with the automobile face ?”" Blinkers.""- A chauffeur?" -No; twins.” AN EXPERT. 6+ AND why,” asks the South American agitator of the individual who is proffering his services as a consulting expert; "and why do you think you can supply us with revolutions in the style to which we have become accus- tomed ?* “Tt would be easy,” asserts the other. “Tam the man who always gets up the baseball wars in North America.” ALWAYS SOMETHING. IVALVES now are on the wane ; Soon they will annex the dark. And the boy from school will play Hookey for a fishing lark. Winter flannels soon we'll shake, HIS REASON. Keerer: Vistror— “* What makes you think we do not take good care of that wolf? ‘Cause pa says he has a hard time keepin’ him away from our door.”* nd the skeeter soon will fly, While the bases and moth.balls will Carom on the cherry-pic. DESCRIBING IT EXACTLY. SETHE world isn’t what it used to he,” complains the cynic. “Formerly a man had some chance; now it is just like—just like "——— « Just like a church-fair,” said the listener, supplying the lacking simile without an effort. comicbooks.com