Judge — April 18, 1903 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

uage AT THE JUDGE BUILDING, 110 FIFTH AYENUR, NEW roRE. Terms to Subscribers. UNITED STATES AND CANADA IN ADVANCE. One copy, one year, of $2 numbers - $5.00 One copy, six months, of 36 numbers - "3-$0 One copy, lor thirteen weeks = es st including the Camistsas Jvoce. FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS—To all foreign countries 1 the postal’ union, $6.00 a year. Wastexn Orrice—$28-829 Marguctie Building, Chicago. NTS—International mews company, Bream's building, Chancery laer. avenue de FOperas Parks: aarback's mews txchance, Bare, upon a separate slip of paper. Inclosurt fa Insure safe and prompt return of material not accepted. he puts down or forward his left hind foot. [TIS NOW that the timid and dainty Easter belle selects the egg whose color best matches her hat and gown, OSES AND VIOLETS are now as chez in the open market as are the British no- blemen who are tagged like sacrifice shirts. Therefore it no longer pays the wide-awake cut-flower dealer to spray them with high- priced Parisian perfumery, that they may seem to have the scent of nature at that precarious period when they have grown too weak to stand up without the aid of crutches. T THE PRESENT TIME the United States has a large brood of spring chick- ens to care for; but even as she never bites off more than she can chew, so does she never hatch out more than she can comfortably siton, She is now caring for this miscellaneous brood of chick- ens—for there are no two alike—in the finest fashion, and under her eye and body they are likely to develop into specimens of the finest possible type. There is the army rooster with cavalry spurs, and the Philippine twins that have just shed the shell and are crowing in Spanish dialect. These little fluffy things are too numerous to mention by name, but it is safe to say, without fear of contradiction, that they are the sprightliest and liveliest kind of birds, as well as the kind that will be a lasting credit to the mother that now seems to be in a great state of worry and uneasiness. She feels that she has a large contract and a grave responsibility to face, forgetting, of course, that she has from time immemorial been a most successful con- queror of all the dangers that crowd the pathway of maternity. She is sup- plying them with gold dollars for toys, and they are making many studies of that part of ornithology that deals with the old simon-pure American eagle. We wish her the best of good luck with her dainty charges, and trust that she may keep them full and happy, and that they may ever elude the hand of the moonlit Ethiop, and never come to an untimely end or shine with a dazzling beauty on the bosom of the fragile toast of ad- versity. Long may they crow and cackle! 'HE GERMAN EMPEROR seems to make a specialty of keeping in hot water, and the hotter it is the better he seems to like it. He knows nothing concerning the philosophy or the technique of rest, in which re- spect he is on a level with the average wolf of an up-to-date commercial tinker, whose everlasting motto is hustle and get. The German emperor does not reflect great credit on his race. His picturesque pomposity, savor- ing as it does of the sawdust of the circus-ring, leads thinking people to conclude with the philosopher, whose name escapes us, that he is a pint trying to fill a quart measure. He is more arrogant and self-sufficient than a financially-stranded English nobleman, and is always ready to bet his corsets and other lingerie that no one will dare knock the chip off his shoulder. He is a great fighter on paper, and any one with an extra lively fancy and a love of anachronism should be quite ready to believe that, in the phraseology of the stock-farm, he is out of Lydia Pinkham by Jupiter Pluvius. He writes poetry, and also gives his opinion freely concerning the parts of the Bible written under divine inspiration and those that are mythical. There are very few things that this mental freak and moral monstrosity has not at his finger-ends. It is to be hoped for his own sake that he knows when he is well off. If he knows this he will call a halt on his efforts to pick a fight with Uncle Sam on the strength of the troubles existing in South America. He seems to be ripe for the drubbing that is now long overdue, and it is quite possible that he will learn that Uncle Sam can make the sauerkraut fly when it comes right down to the business of fighting. He has coped with other kings who trumpeted their ability to devour him whole, but when the dust had settled on the scene and stock was taken the world realized that Uncle Sam was perform- ing the saraband of joy peculiar to victory and that the said kings were mere two-spots. It is a question, though, if Uncle Sam would care to lay his hands on one so beautiful and exquisite. Think of jabbing those hyacinthine mustaches, fresh from the peachy fingers of his waiting-maid'! Think of upper-cutting those hyperion, sausage-breathing ringlets! Think of swinging one on that glimmering gargoyle of a nose, that scents the imperial limburger from afar! Think of destroying the curvilinear beauty of the sartorial trappings, that fit him like the skin on the sausage! Uncle Sam would not be guilty of any of these acts, for the reason that he is not an iconoclast in any sense of the term. But he may be goaded until forbearance ceases to be a virtue, and that will be the time that the feathers of the war-eagles will fly, and the monarch who with the arrogance of the frost-gemmed plumber combines the servility of the gravy-arabesqued waiter will see his flag half-masted on all the breweries and sausage-mills from one end of his kingdom to the other. A PANACEA. Jones—"' So you think smoking is good for a headache?” ‘Surmm—" Yes. My mother-in-law always leaves the room when | smoke.” comicbooks.com