Judge, 1903-04-11 · page 7 of 16
Judge — April 11, 1903 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page collects several satirical pieces mocking early 1900s social conventions and urban life: **"The Humorist's Heroine"** depicts a personified female character who "escapes" from a writer's inkwell to protest being endlessly recycled through hackneyed jokes—forced into Christmas scenes, impossible cooking tasks, and romantic entanglements. The satire targets predictable magazine humor formulas and the exhaustion of stock female character types. **"The Polar Star" and "Error"** are romantic poems mocking sentimental courtship narratives where women play games or suddenly reject pursuing men. **"Righteous Indignation"** shows two working-class men discussing dishonest business practices—one found $50 in a seemingly penniless man's shoe, illustrating corruption in low-wage labor. **"The Merry Magnates"** satirizes street-railway company executives dismissing customer complaints about poor service as routine grievances from long-suffering patrons. **"Another Victim"** darkly jokes that a convicted poet turned to theft because nobody would buy his poetry—commenting on poverty and the undervaluation of artists. The page satirizes predictable humor formulas, urban corruption, and social hypocrisy.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
THE HUMORIST’S HEROINE. WAS aweary. For a whole evening I had sat, listlessly chewing the end of my pen-holder and waiting for the ideas to come. Suddenly she jumped right out of the ink-well. “Who are you?" I asked. s “I'm the girl that goes into all your jokes,” she replied with some asperity. “Wish you'd get into a few of them right away,” I sighed. “No, sir; not another one. You have stood me under the Christ- mas mistletoe, hung my stocking up for my little brother, made me listen to impossible New-year's vows, dressed me in bathing-suits in November for publication in the summer and in sealskins in July for printing in the winter; you have made me tell about Italy lying beyond the Alps as a graduate, and compelled me to make impossible pies in cooking-school ; you have engaged me to the wrong man every time and mixed me up in divorce-cases in Dakota on the same day that you had me shaking rice off of my hat in New York. I have stood it as long as Lintend to. I strike right now.” “But,” [ protested, "I was just going to get you a nice new silk THE POLAR STAR. ERROR. GE was a dainty, graceful thing Of ribbons, lace and bows ; She had a smile to match the spring, A mouth to match a rose. A glance at me abd T was won— To win her then I swore. Tt was a thing that I had done Before. I dared to walk beside her—oh, What raptare thus to walk! I dreamed of music that should flow : When she with me should talk. So close I bent me to her face— Just then the saucy lf Turned suddenly and whispered + Chase Yourself!" raux cansen. USED TO IT. Knicker—* But how do you ever man- age to entertain your company in so small a RIGHTEOUS INDIGNATION. matt Rocker» When th veatistea First rooreap—" Dat guy told me he hadn’t a cent on him, an’ I found fifty dollars in his shoes."* eekeron len, the seats: are‘all’taken Secon rootrav—"" Dat's de worst uv dis perfesh—yer have ter do business wid sech dishonest people.” hang straps on the walls. dress and the prettiest Easter hat you gver heard of “I'm going to strike. And all the other girls would iif ly i Vt i be dying with envy "— ; Uy Ey) Wigs “It makes no dif" EOI , HU Tp % And Iwas going to marry MG, you to an English duke "—— WA “I don't care.” f ey “And he would turn out to be a matinée hero in disguise.” |!" iW Ui ae ge atinge se" | YY fje! ae a 6 “Well, I suppose it would be 3 be mean of me to quit without giving 1 Py S % you fair warning,” she smiled, go- ; Ht ing back into the ink-well. THE MERRY MAGNATES. ssHaA. HA! laughed the first street-railway magnate, who was going through his mail. “ Here's a funny letter.” What is it?” asked the sec- ond street-railway magnate. “Oh, the usual bunch of com- plaints about the service,” ex- plained the first speaker ; * but it is signed +A patron of twenty years’ standing. ANOTHER VICTIM. oo PxiLanturorist—" You say bad Hterature brought you here? What made you read it?"” Convict—"" I didn't—I wrote it, 1 wuz a poet an’ had ter steal ter keep from starvin’,”” comicbooks.com