Judge — March 21, 1903 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

110 VIVTH AVENUE, NEW TORK. Terms to Subscribers, UNITED STATES AND CANADA IN ADVANCE. year, or s2 numbers - month FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS—To all foreign countries in the postal union, $6.00 a year. Wasraxn Orrice—828-829 Marquette Building, Chicago. EUROVEAM SALES-AGENTS—/nlernational news company, Bream's building, Chancery lane, » London, Brentand's, avenue de Opera, Paris; Saarbach's news exchange, Mains, id Great Britain. with all manuscripts. 1 the sender's fol: ‘every separate sketch. The accompanyieg, joke o je letter-press should ia every lastance be written upon its individeal picture, and NOT separate slip of paper. 10% 1d prompt retara of material not acces HOM THE GODS LOVE the pie cannot destroy. N THE BRIGHT LEXICON of the cheap restau- rant, the knife is mightier than the fork. eee OF THE MAKING of many books which have about as much literary quality as may be found in race- track books there seems to be literaliy no end. ROM Hohokus To Cathay See the crocus Blaze away. eee THE SECURITY of the frying-pan would be fearfully discounted, to say the least, if the fat, which is syn- onymous with general all-round prosperity, were but fireproof. eee DISTANCE lends such enchantment to a political view of dbhill that no conscientious ‘critic will ever declare the Wolfert’s rooster to be much of a short- range beauty. eee ‘THE FISH-BALL and the high-ball go together so harmonious'v that they may be safely called the twin sisters of epicurean joy, inasmuch as the former, while dissolving one’s pangs of hunger, creates a thirst that the latter quenches, while it creates an appetite for more piscene spheres. Verily, they are a singularly happy combination. T SEEMS a great pity that many of the things that are the tutti-frutti of gilt-edged perfection in theory often turn out to be the cold pancakes of stern reality when the attempt is made to put them into practice. HE SEA of printer’s ink is at present disturbed by the suggestion of a revulsion of feeling which leads us to believe that the reading public is at last waking up to and recognizing the golden fact that literature, pure and simple, is in every way quite preferable to mere books. QNCE MORE the circus-poster unfolds its enchanting pinions on the side of the old turnpike barn, and great is the joy of the esthetic soul as its vision is lit by the lapus lazuli quagga caracoling with a Botti- celli breeziness on a background of Venetian red and set off and forth by language that makes ordinary hyperbole look like the proverbial seven cents. Only the soul that is attuned to poesy can appreciate the subtle and hidden significance of this grand creation, through which breathes a rare and beautiful combination of the broad art of Turner and the ma and picturesque phrase of Lord Macaulay. HEN UNCLE SAM secured his share of the earth and became the chief particular envy of all other landed proprietors he made it his business to see that it was well and substantially fenced, that he might be fortified against all sorts and conditions of invaders that might seek to de- vour him. And on his gates, that still stand in all their pristine glory, he inscribed the word ‘* Protection ”— a word whose all-round significance con- tinues to bea thorn in the flesh ot the howling hosts of free trade that would batter them down, if possible, and capture and throttle his many thriving industri But the gates are so well and powerfully constructed that the battering-ram is yet to be invented that will have any effect upon them. They are, like the sheets of steel which constitute the cuticle of his battle-ships, not to be penetrated or fractured, and the free-trade harpies that would force them open may soon learn that they are also proof against the slings and arrows of their impotent fury. And yet the weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth which are illustrative of their threadbare slogan are quite as effective against these gates of Uncle Sam’s as are any of the other engines that the foreign free-traders employ in the crusade that will never be a conquest. After a while these aliens, whose lust of gold is strong as death, may learn that Uncle Sam builds his gates upon a rock, and that they consequently stand triumphantly against all things that would shake them down. After a while they may fancy that, as history repeats itself, it might be possible for them to glide through these gates of protection in a wooden horse, after the manner of those that captured Troy. Foreign free trade seems so determined to have its cohorts land on and take root in the dominion of Uncle Sam that it may resort to flying-machines when it is satisfied that battering-rams and automobiles are as bean-shooters and putty-blowers against these gates whose keys are never dull and whose locks are never rusty. When free trade undertakes to force matters in this way it will receive a lesson that will be worth to it about a million times its weight in gold in.the shape of a drubbing that may go into history as an industrial Waterloo. They will learn what Uncle Sam learned long ago— that this free land, if it would remain free, must eschew free trade and cling to the tenets of the Monroe doctrine, even as grim death is said to cling to the proverbial Ethiop. AN UNLIMITED SURGE. Masor Biustup—"' Well. suh, | s‘pose wine flowed like watah at the kun'l's weddin’, suh?"* Masor Perrer—"' Like watah, suh? By gad, suh' It flowed like oil in a Texas oil-company’s advertisement, suh."” comicbooks.com