Judge — February 7, 1903 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ANOTHER CURSE OF CIVILIZATION. +6 AH."SAID the cannibal chief- tain, nervously rubbing some fresh bumps on his head and casting apprehensive glances toward the doorway of his home, from which he had just emerged in great haste, “I thought there would be trouble after that mis- sionary had told her highness about the great advancement of woman since she had discovered the advantages of clubs.” Pining for the good old days when man was the only individual permitted to affiliate with clubs, he hied toward the tall timber, i wardly moaning that the world was growing too fast for him. AN OUTRAGE. JROMETHEUS was chained to HARD TO LOCATE THE PAIN. “Where is his pain?" “*Dat’s de trouble, mister. You see, Jimmie ’s so thin the rock for stealing fire from he don’t know whether it's de back-ache or stomach-ache."" heaven. “ This is a blamed outrage,” he exclaimed, with coal costing twenty dollars a ton !" Just then the vulture descended and made things warm for him. ECONOMY. “BATHE says the sci- entific son of the And we would like the frozen sphere plutoerat, did you Of snow to hit us on the ear know that dia- monds are pure carbon, and that they will burn just like coal ?" “What ?” ask- ed. the plutocrat. ls that a fact?" “Yes,” answered the son in a convincing manner. With a bound the plutocrat goes to the wide marble stairway and calls,“ Mother! girls! Come here!" As soon as his wife and daugh- ters appear he says, «I just had a ton of coal dumped into the furnace- room. Go to your jewel-caskets, take out all your diamonds, send them to the cellar and have that coal taken to your apartments. Burn the diamonds and wear the coal. We've got to cut expenses some way.” JUDGE'S FAVORITES. FLORA PARKER IN ‘* MR. BLUE BEARD." Thou art a fixed, a well-fixed, star, That shines from here to Zanzibar. In spirit we outsoar the kite Wh. n basking in its gracious light, If it would only make us see Athwart our vision sudden-lee A thousand stars flash, and the tight Of each as lovely and as bright As yon bright star that makes aright Our dream a true Arabian night. WHERE LOVE IS COLD. inks—" | hear that Boston girl is an old flame of yours?" Jinks—* No; an old icicle.” AT MONTE CARLO. ‘Tue vittain—" | would marry ze beautiful American, but ze rich old peo- ple iss in ze way. How can | get rid of heem? Ha! I know someding. 1 shall buy for heem one automobile.” THE SHEIK, FEAR from his home by the deep-green Nile He vends his wares through the city, Humming the while in a careless style Some unpronounceable ditty. He has grasses from distant Palestine, That flourished by Jordan's waters, And strings of beads that were wont to shine On the necks of Araby’s daughters. The tasseled fez on his grizzled crown Isa relic of orient splendor, And his skirt, divided, hangs loosely down, nheld by a single suspender. His swarthy. check Destroying his i Was it made by some Bedouin's scimitar ‘Asa token of pure affection? “Is Gotham thy Mecca,” I said, “oh, sheik?" “Arrah, shure, it's nonsinse yer talkin’ i'm krown to me frinds as jist plain Mike. This grass wance grew on a Jersey dyke, An’ thim baids—faix, they're med in Weehawken.” WHEN HE GOT TIRED. hrs. Hanpour—"' Do you never get tired cf tramping?” Weary Wittie—“' Goodness, yes! Sometimes | gits as tired as a millionaire gittin’ rested in Europe.”* RUGENE GRARY. comicbooks.com