Judge — February 7, 1903 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A BUSY OFFICIAL. QU host was showing us through his club, In one room we found a haggard man, surrounded by a score of stenog- raphers, typewriters and messen- ger-boys. “Lam going to sit into a lit- tle game of poker,” said a club member who rushed into the room. “Send word to Mr. Jones's house that he is detained down town to pass judgment on an ex- hibit of pictures,” said the hag- gard man to one of the stenog- raphers. “Lam going to the Fli theatre to see the new burlesque,” announced another new-comer. “ Boy,” ordered the haggard man, “run out to Mr, Smith's and tell his wife that he will not be home to-night, because he has to attend toa perplexing column of figure: . AN OBLIGING LANDLORD. 6s YOU seem to have a great trade,” said the new guest to the landlord of the Sportsman's hotel on the shores of Lake Su- perior. “Oh, yes," he smiled. «1 cater to the patronage I desire, and Iam glad to say that my pol- icy has proven immensely suc- cessful.” “OF course,” says the new guest," you have good rooms, and you serve goud meals and all that ; but even these advantages do not seem to me to be of the kind that would explain the simply over- flowing condition of your house at all time: “Well,” explained the land- lord, “I don't: mind telling you that I have one clerk who does nothing else but make affidavits to the size of the fish or weight of the game secured by my guests.” “Lam going to attend a quiet KINGeRY. $0 little wine-supper,” whispered a } REASO : UND: third new-comer. . eeTHIS,” said Mr. Justgottit, "Send a note out to Mr. Job- P _ who was entertaining a son's, saying that he will be com- few friends at dinner at his club, pelled to endeavor to find that 4 wis the chargé-d'affaires of the perplexing balance to-night,” or- feast. dered the haggard man. é ‘ s Here he indicated the choic- “Who is he?" we whispered 4 est dish on the table. — as our guide drew us on, 1 ’ «No, no, father,” interrupted “He's the official excuse-in- fy) #43 5 his embarrassed son ; “you mean ventor,” explained our guide, “It’s the chef-d'auvre. ‘ ” . a new idea of ours, to have our Nbh 7 4 =e al “1 suppose I do,” said Mr. excuses for absence from home of Justgottit; “but the word I used such a nature that. they’ may be Se ere gives me more of an impression said to be absolutely true.” Count Switzer—"' Waiter, | can't eat that chick As we left a club attendant 't~ata rummage sale? ri Warrer— No, sah. We had dat chicken in stock long befo" hurried in and said, rummage sales war eber invented.” Where did you get 9 the cost of the dish. “Mr. Buffer got into a little fight down street and won't go home until his blacked eye is fixed up.” “Send word to Mrs. Buffer,” ordered the excuse-inventor without a moment's hesitation, «that Mr. Buffer has accepted an invitation “to witness a demonstration of applied art.” + How on earth did you ever get hold of such an ingenious man?" we asked. “Oh, it was easy,” said our guide. “He has been married six times.” NOT AT ALL. CeTHEY tell me,” said the guileless stranger in the lobby of the hotel at San An- tonio, “that a revolver is just like a dress-suit down here— that a man doesn't” “Not at all, son,” inter- rupted a big-mustached man ; “not at ail, A man never wants a dress-suit down here until he is going to get married or buried. And he wants a gun, and he wants to have it handy; and he wants to know just how to work it before he gets too gay with his comments ‘on our climate, our customs, or our conduct. Savvy ?” The guileless tenderfoot savvyed with all due haste. HROW a lucky man over- board in the Frazer and he'll come up with a salmon in A HOP-PICKING. his mouth. ANXI.US TO LEARN. Mouse—"'Say, Polly, teach me how to swear, quick. 1 want to tell the cat what I think of her.”