Judge — January 24, 1903 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A SOCIALISTIC CONTROVERSY. HE animals of the forest, finding a great inequal- ity in their tails, met to adjust tails in such a way that all should have an equal amount, Some of them objected to this arrangement because they had use for longer tails than others, both for service and for appearance. “I can use my tail for climb- ing,” said the opossum. “And 1,” said the horse, “can use mine to keep off flies.” ‘The elephant and the rhinoceros were thought to need no tails for such purposes, because their skins were too thick to feel flies and their bodies too big to hang from trees. Accordingly, the first proposition was modified, and the beasts, recognizing that there could be no equality of tails without equality of needs, next pro- posed to let each one keep as much tail as he needed and surrender the rest. The tiger was thought to need no tail at all, and he was asked to give his up entirely, while the snake, which needed all he could get, ought to have some which belonged to others. A RACING TERM. This view conflicted with what was deemed “Stealing a Lap. «vested rights” in such a way that many rejected it and tried to defend what they had, either from a sense of right, or because they could do so. The tiger said, “It is true don’t need my tail, but let me see any one try to take it from me.” Other big animals said that tails belong to those who can defend them as well as to those who need them or had the good-fortune to get them. The angle-worm said, * Who- , JUDGE'S FAVORITES. DMA WALLACE HOPFER IN “* THE SILVER SLIPPER. ever takes my tail takes me, for [ cannot tell where my tail begins and my body ends. Who sees Miss Hopper gayly hop : » And o'er the scene serenely pop As the contro- At once knows why versy grew warme This frisky, spry . er the animals soon Artist will ne‘er decline and flop. wandered off from Her wild success no force can stop: From her RIEK noha ahe never dtp spective rights and And shine away, nt to accusing The bright star of the topmost top. nother of the wrongs by which they got their present advantages. Some charged that in the first dis- tribution of tails the monkey, which got more than his share, stole the tail of the elk, which has ever since been without a proper ending ; while the beaver got the ear of the hippopotamus for a tail, leaving that animal to hear through a simple hole in his head. ‘The raccoon was said to have twisted several tails into one hunch, to make for him- self a thick, bushy appendage, while the snake was charged with car- rying off so much tail that he got nothing else in the distribution of members. After a variety of such charges, which were meant to count for the inequalities of their condition, a general quarrel ensued between the beasts, and the most violent personalities were indulged in, Among other vituperations the bear said to the alligator, « You discussing their re- A COACH AND FOUR. are all tail, except what is mouth"; and the elephant was charged with biting off the baboon’s tail, which has ever since stuck to his upper lip. The result of the whole controversy was that the meet ing broke up in a row, and the inequality of tails still contin- ues, and will do so until all can agree, not only on what is right, but on how to give all what they require. A BRITISH JEST. ME Chat Noir is a restaurant, And to it, T should sa Aman should go who chanced to want A puss café. reuix canstes A BY-PRODUCT. Buffer —" What do you do with the jokes that none of the comic papers will ta HER IDEA. Guyer— Work ‘em into Sunpay-sctoot. teacHer—"" How many animals went into the ark. Mary?" sialect: stories forthe, maga> Mary—" All that wasn't Icst under th’ sofa, or broke, or layin’ on th’ back-stairs, | guess.”” zines.” comicbooks.com